That’s it. The cute boy you’ve been eyeing up just asked you out, and you almost threw up from excitement. Or, maybe you asked him out and almost threw up from anxiety. Either way, as long as you don’t throw up on him, you’re halfway to batting 1000 on your first date. BUT IS THAT OUR END GOAL? HELL NAH. YOU GET YOUR HEAD SQUARE ON YOUR SHOULDERS AND PREP FOR A HELLSTORM BECAUSE THE WORST IS YET TO COME.
Welcome to dating 101, or as I like to call it, HELL. Buckle up; you’re in for a crash course in dating from someone who’s been on the best (and worst) dates you could imagine. And, if you wondered if I’d be using Game of Thrones, YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT. But not in this article. Here I’ll use Disney movies from the years of our childhood to firmly ruin any fond daydreams you may have about dating, and maybe crack a smile on your face in the process.
Alright, enough of the small talk. Let’s begin.
1. Let’s step back to the moment you ask him out – or he asks you out. This is 2017, so if you like someone, why don’t you just let them know? We get so wrapped up in our own thoughts with all the “what ifs” and “maybes” that we rarely say what we honestly feel, and kick ourselves in the a$$ later on if we say nothing. Why do we let the nerves get in out heads and distort a simple “Hey, you’re cute. Let’s go out” INTO A F***ING MARRIAGE COMMITMENT?? NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW, so if you’re internally freaking out at the thought of a date, then TAKE A SECOND BECAUSE YOU NEED TO JUST…
2. Ok, ok, you’re good. You asked him out (or said yes when he asked you out.) Great. BUT WHAT IF YOU SAID NO?!
3. That’s really fine, too. Jeez. BREATHE DAMMIT.
4. Sometimes it’s good to toy with your love interest. You’re not desperate. Let them come to you.
5. But whatever you do, don’t say no to the first date for too long. Anyway, the hard part is over. Or is it?
IT’S NOT. NOT AT ALL.
Now you have to decide where to go, and when to go there.
6. But remember that you’re in control, even if he tries to make the plans. Before he can even recommend a place (or even after he does) you tell him what you want to do, WITH YOUR FOOT FIRMLY GROUNDED AND YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH.
7. Choose to do something simple, in a public place. Maybe go for coffee. Maybe sit and chat. The ball is in your court.
8. Once you decide though, it gets a lot simpler, right?
WRONG.
Cue the anxiety!
9. So now we fast forward to the big day. Your heart starts racing. You feel like you’re gonna vom. Is this the end of you? It very well might feel that way. But guess what.
IT’S NOT.
But here’s where the fun begins.
10. Why? Because he’s just as nervous as you are. Maybe he’s good at hiding it. Maybe he’s broken out or shaking like your pet Chihuahua. Regardless, you’re both in the same boat. And all this hype you just built up? It’s silly for you to worry about it.
11. You’re you, for crying out loud. Did you really think you got to be as amazing as you are by letting life hand you things? NO WAY! You’re a strong independent person who don’t need no one. (Even though it might be nice.)
12. The bottom line is though, just be yourself. You’re both scared shitless. And whether he shows it or not, he’s just as afraid that you won’t like him. If he says otherwise he’s either lying out of his a$$ or he’s NOT (clap) THE (clap) ONE (clap) YOU (clap) DESERVE.
13. And guess what. You’ll have bad dates. Like, getting told you have a nice a$$ in the middle of a TGI Friday’s kinda bad.
14. And you’ll have good ones. You might even have ones you thought existed only in fairy tales. Like getting surprised with flowers just for showing up.
15. Just never give up on love, and never give up on yourself. Go at your own pace, and if you don’t feel comfortable, call it off. A good person will appreciate honesty over being led on, just as you would like honesty and openness.
16. No one has the game figured out. But knowing this, you can set your own rules and live the life you’ve imagined. Never sell yourself short, and never take anything too seriously. Life’s too short to live with regrets.
17. So, go have fun, above all other things. Follow your gut, because it’ll let you know in 3 minutes what your heart may take 3 years to find out. Going on coffee dates to talk and find the right one who’s worthy of your time for a second date is what I would recommend. Never settle, and don’t listen to anyone other than yourself, because only you know how you feel and only you can know what’s best for you. NOW, PICK UP THAT CHIN, LOOK HIM DEAD IN THE EYE, AND… 18. No but really, have a ball with dating.