The time when you are most indecisive, you lose everything you own, your emotions change from one extreme to the other in a span of two minutes, and all of your money is spent on food… that’s right, it’s your time of the month. Here is what you are probably thinking…
1. Is it acceptable to use this as an excuse to not to go to class? My excruciating discomfort doesn’t make me want to listen to your lecture anymore than I do the other three weeks of the month.2. BUT I WANT TO WEAR THE WHITE JEANS, ugh!3. How do I discretely bring this tampon to the bathroom without my bag? Thank god I wore sleeves today. I will slip it up the sleeve.4. Leaking… please let the odds be in my favor.5. I am so excited about everything right now! My day is going so well!6. HOLY SH*T that cramp just made my lower body numb.7. Now it’s a bad day, forget this sh*t. Give me a blanket and some rocky road ice cream and let me sing (but end up crying) to Norah Jones.8. You want me to go out? Do you not see how bloated I am? I need a size up and possibly a forklift to get my pants on. My water retention is more on point than Beyonce’s hair!”9. But yes, I will go out because I can’t just sit here and watch movies.10. If I do go out, can we get pizza, mozzarella sticks, buffalo wings, two liters of coke, brownies, cookies, candy and a chocolate cake on the way home?11. I am so indecisive. I don’t know whether to eat a banana brownie Sundae or pizza dipped in ranch dressing (This really relates to every day of my life, but is emphasized during this time of the month.)12. My boobs are so sore, but they look good so I can’t complain.13. Is it just me or do you get drunk faster when it’s your time of the month?14. Chocolate strawberries…15. Chocolate potato chips!!!16. I just ate my weight in chocolate.17. I don’t even notice my mood swings. I probably am the only person blessed without them.18. I just don’t know why my friends are being so distant. Maybe it is their time of the month? (No, it is you)19. What is the whole point of a period? Is it to punish me?20. Yessss, my period ended just before the weekend! (Insert red dress dancing girl emoji)21. Opens fridge Wait, I came in here to get something else…. How did I end up here?