Real Talk: Long Distance Relationships

I wanted to take this time to talk to you about something a lot of us collegiates end up facing during our years at college. 

Long Distance Relationships.

 

Society has put a lot of different connotations on what that means. Some people perceive them as these super romantic, strengthening relationships. Where you send each other a letter every day and it’s al super sweet and happy. Others see it as a complete waste of time, where one or both parties lose interest very fast, and it all just ends in a loss of communication and heartbreak.I’m here to tell you, both of those are true. I’ve been in a long distance relationship for over a year and a half now. The first year we were 7 hours apart, and this year we are about 4-6 (depending on whether we drive or take the bus). My boyfriend is one year ahead of me, and we started dating about a month before he left for college. I know, great timing. But what I’ve realized as we have progressed is that there is no perfect timing. Sometimes I wished we had more time before he left, but we both knew what we were getting into. When he left, we both were a mess. I kept thinking to myself that we were crazy. I was stuck in high school, in the same town that I’ve spent my whole life. And he got to go off and experience college. I had a hard time the following weeks. But after a while, it seemed to get a little more bearable. We made sure to FaceTime every day, and text throughout the day. We were still early in our relationship, so it was interesting getting to really get to know each other this way.Most of the time, our visits were 4-6 weeks apart. Which was hard, especially since those visits also included him seeing his friends and family from back home. I wanted to be selfish and spend the whole visits with him. I’ll be honest with you. There are a lot of pros to long distance. There are also a lot of cons. And that’s what I wanted to talk about with you. 

 

Let’s start with the pros-

1.  You get to really know your partner on a much deeper level. Because we were forced to spend 90% of our time talking through a screen, we ended up having some really great conversations. We played the question game many times, talked about our dreams, our fears, and random things that we normally wouldn’t get to talk about in person.
2. You get creative. For real though, you end up coming up with some really creative ways to spice up your FaceTime dates. We used to have dinner dates, where we either both made the same dinner, or ordered each other food. Dessert dates were common, as well as Starbucks or other food types. Phone games also became a big thing for us. It always made my day to beat him in Scrabble!
3. You get to surprise each other! This is one of my favorite parts. One of the first things I did for him was, well, super cheesy. I made him a care package of all things yellow (since that was his favorite color). Complete with mac and cheese, swedish fish (his favorite candy), lemon tea, and just random dollar store finds. I even included a set of “Open When” letters, with my own special flare to them. He loves the Beatles, so I made each “Open When” a Beatle’s song title.
4. You learn to love your partner as a person, and not get caught up in the physical aspect. Sure, that’s fun and all. But when it comes down to it, I’ve always believed that the purpose for dating is to find the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. And long distance helps you so much with this. You will face conflicts, doubts, and trust me, you will have very stupid arguments. But though all this, you will learn whether this person is someone that you can trust and depend on.
5. You value the time you do get to spend together so much more! Planning out trips to see each other is fun, but there’s nothing more romantic then finally getting to see them and running up into their arms just like a Nicholas Sparks film.

Now I know, that’s a lot of really cute, sweet, happy thoughts. And I’m tempted to end it there and say “This is why Long Distance isn’t that bad, you got this”. But I promised I’d be real, so here are the cons. 

1. You are going to miss each other. I know thats sort of a “No duh” thing to say, but it’s very true. You will miss your S.O more than anything in the world. You’ll see couples walking around campus, and let me tell you- that’s when it will hit you. The important thing is to make sure you are looking forward and focusing on the next trip, or even doing a small surprise for your partner to let them know that you care.
2. You will get bored/disinterested at times. I love my boyfriend to death, but sometimes it gets hard when you have Facetimed every night in your PJ’s and only are able to talk about what happened that day. It can feel very repetitive, and if you aren’t putting in the effort, you may end up feeling that its just routine and not as personal anymore. Of course, there are ways to fix this by spicing things up. See #2 under pros. 
3. Schedules will conflict. It’s kind of inevitable. While we try to FaceTime every day, even for a little bit, sometimes it just doesn’t work out. And that’s not either one of your faults. When they are busy, you’re free. When you’re busy, they are free. And at the end of the day, one of you may just need to crash early. As long as you both show that you are putting in the effort and make each other a priority, then it will be a healthy balance of being your own person, yet growing together as a couple. 
4. Along with that, sometimes all you are able to get in for the day are a few texts. And sadly, we all know texts are sometimes misleading. I can’t tell you how many times we have gotten into small arguments about misinterpreting a text. Sometimes you are just kind of on the go, and a rushed text to you may mean one thing, but to your partner, it may be seen as uninterested or annoyed. 
5. You may start to doubt whether or not this is the best thing. People ask me all the time “How do you do it? Don’t you ever worry if he will be disloyal?” And sure, it’s hard. You will doubt yourself, your partner, and the whole relationship. Especially when its been a long time. These are the times when you need to ask yourself if you feel that your partner is in it for the long haul, and if you are in it as well.

The best piece of advice I can give to anyone who is starting or thinking about starting a long distance relationship is this- Prepare yourself for what you are getting into. Communication is such a large part of making LDR’s work, and if you are on one page and they are on the other, it will make things impossible. I’ll be honest, I have felt every emotion there is throughout my time in long distance, but it is 100% worth it because I have the most amazing partner by my side no matter what. It takes dedication and effort, but it is possible and I promise you, very much so worth it.