Straight Couples: For the Last Time, I'm Not a Unicorn

I feel like this really goes without saying but I’ll need to preface this article by saying the following: No, this does not count for every straight couple that does this but BOY does this apply to a whole bunch of them. That being said, this doesn’t apply at every straight couple out there. There, hopefully I won’t get hunted down by the unicorn hunters.

What is a unicorn hunter you may ask? Well let’s start off with what the term “unicorn” itself means when it comes to the dating world. If you are a queer (usually in these cases bisexual) girl out there reading this, you already know where exactly this is going and I too am groaning. A unicorn” is a nickname for a bisexual person (almost always usually a girl) who is sought after by straight couples in order to join them in on a threesome. Usually this would be a case where the girl in the primary relationship is also bisexual or bi-curious to say the least. Now here, if you are anybody else reading this, you may be wondering, “What’s wrong with consenting adults choosing to have a threesome?”

Well that’s the thing, straight couples don’t want to admit this but they’re in for a rude awakening especially when they are not equipped for consensual nonmonogamy. In fact, usually these couples are monogamous and are only really wanting to experiment with someone who is essentially beneficial for them both. But straight girls, let me spare you the heartbreak and tell you straight (ha) up: I can almost guarantee you that the minute that your guy is giving it to me from being while moaning this “experimentation” won’t be as fun as you thought. Also, the unicorn stereotype is essentially harmful to bisexuality because it feeds into that trashy stereotype that is “oh, ALL bisexuals want to have threesomes.” No, a bisexual might like threesomes but not because they are bisexual, and some bisexuals don’t like threesomes. I am not your toy, your mythical creature, the solution to your failing sex life. If you can’t handle the reality of me actually being your bedside third-wheel then really revaluate your relationship and your wants especially when your fantasies are halted by jealousy. It almost baffles me anytime I go on Tinder and see that a couple of unicorn-hunters swiped right on me EVEN THOUGH MY DESCRIPTION LITERALLY SAYS that I do not want to be your unicorn. Because guess what, darling, at least I actually exist. I’m as real as your relationship on life support.