In class, my professor made a comment. We had begun to have a discussion and the first few hands to go up happened to be male. She looked over at me and my friend, we are two of the women that speak up most in class, and she said that the class was being dominated by males. She had good intentions but we felt thrown off by the comment.
This was not the first time she had pointed this out to us. The first time was the first day of class. I do admit that the women at that point had not spoken up much. I, myself had not spoken up yet. I had agreed with her statement at that time.
The second time she pointed it out, my friend and I, turned to each other confused. The discussion had only just started and previously we had told out professor she and I like to collect our thoughts before expressing them.
After class I asked my friend how she felt about our professor’s comment. Like myself, she felt a bit ambushed by the comment. I expressed my personal discomfort for it. Reason being. That at that moment when our professor was asking the women in the room to speak up, it wasn’t like last time when we agreed with her. We do have a class with mostly male students and it could easily look as if it is being male dominated. This time, it felt unwarranted. Why did we have to speak up? The fact that I am a woman alone now means I have to say something every single time.
That is very different from me having to say something every time because of a grade. I understand where my professor was coming from. Yet, at some point me having to say something every single because I am a woman changes the reason I am speaking up. It goes from me having an opinion on the matter; to me just saying something for the sake of saying something because I a woman.
This isn’t the only time this situation arises. As a Hispanic bisexual woman, I have to speak up not only because I am a woman but also because I am Hispanic, because I am bisexual. At some point I will just be talking to talk which for isn’t the point.
I make it a habit of saying something class every day because of my grade. So far. Of course, I know that there will be a day when I do not necessarily feel like speaking up or have anything to say. Why does that automatically mean that I am letting a male dominate over me?
The same thing happens to me as a Hispanic. Because I am Hispanic I have to speak on every issue, every time. The truth is often times I cannot speak on the matter because yes, I am Hispanic, but I am also a citizen and I was born here. I am more American than I am Mexican. That alone is something I have struggled with my whole life.
Recently a friend of mine made a comment about how Dia De Los Muertos, Day of the Dead, was more her holiday than mine. It was painful at first but then I realized that I knew very little behind the traditions of Dia De los Muertos. So yes, I am Hispanic, my parents came from Mexico, we have had to deal with immigration issues. That does not default me as the spokesperson for all Hispanics or even all Mexican. Just like me being a woman doesn’t make me the spokesperson for every woman. Yes, I am bisexual. Yes, I have dealt with the backlash that happens when you come out. Internally and externally. I am not the spokesperson for every bisexual person.
We all have our individual stories. We have pages upon pages that make us who we are. I can speak on what has impacted me. I speak on what I understand. Question what I don’t. I can say something every day of class because of a grade. Why does it have to be about the fact that I am a woman, or Hispanic, or bisexual. I speak up because the experiences that being all those things have put me through. I speak up because I have something to say. I speak up because I want to make a difference. Being all of these things allows me to develop view points and opinions, it shouldn’t mean I am forced to do anything.
Do not assume that because I, our other woman, aren’t speaking that we are letting ourselves be dominated or forgotten or cast aside. Maybe just like with a male who doesn’t speak up that day we just don’t want too. Maybe it really is as simple as I don’t have anything to say. Maybe it really isn’t that deep and it shouldn’t have to be. It is my voice, I chose when I use it.
I will find myself in class making sure I say something, no longer because of a grade but because of that comment. I feel that responsibility now. It shouldn’t be that way though. We all know that. I think that begs the question. What can we do as a whole to change that? Of course, this is where the irony of it all comes in because in order for people to see the issue, we have to talk about it.