Photo courtesy of Keila Bermudez.
Finding peace after a relationship is a trial with no definite closure — it continues long after it should and demands a particular maintenance to keep the wounds closed. I nearly forgot this until I was contacted by an ex just a few days ago. It was completely unexpected and caught me off guard. After all the work I had put into shutting that door from my past, here it was, jarred wide open once more. Not only was that unfair to me, but it spurred feelings of pain that I had worked so hard to subdue.
I wanted to know how other people moved on after a relationship since the process is different for everyone. And how, specifically, do you go about healing after a bad relationship? I sat down with Keila Bermudez this week, a fashion student in her second year, to talk about her history of dating and what advice she had on moving on.
Alexia Zarate: What has been the most harmful relationship you’ve ever been in?
Keila Bermudez: The most harmful relationship I’ve been in was two years ago. I was with someone that made me think I was so important and that I would be the one for him. Sadly, I fell for it, and after a few weeks all he would do was just belittle me and make me feel less than him for not wanting a ‘better’ future like he did. For example, he wanted me to go to school for a bachelors degree, work various full-time jobs, buy a car, be completely independent, and things like that.
Keila, happy with her current boyfriend. Photo courtesy of Keila Bermudez.
AZ: Do you ever blame yourself when a relationship goes wrong?
KB: I honestly do take half the blame for being in such a toxic relationship. Although the other person didn’t treat me the way I knew he should’ve, I still stuck around thinking he would change. I was unhappy from the start. I guess I was really just looking for comfort after being lonely for so long.
AZ: Are there any signs that a guy just might not be the one?
KB: I believe that when two people get in a relationship, it’s because they have some sort of attraction towards each other and they’re looking to help each other grow as a person. If the guy (or girl) doesn’t seem to pay much attention to you in the small details, or give you a call/text to check up on you and make sure you’re doing okay, then it most likely means they’re not as interested in you as you thought. Especially when you notice the person bringing you down instead of trying to bring you up.
AZ: How do you go about the process of healing after separating from such a person?
KB: Healing from a bad relationship can take a long time depending on the person. Some people may take a few weeks while some take a few years. I believe the healing process is all up to the person, if I really want to recover then I have to put forth the effort to do so. I would go out with friends, talk to them about it or to my parents, maybe even a counselor. Or just go out and do something fun to take my mind off of things. I would then take the time to sit and reflect on what I could do better in the next relationship to make sure I don’t get hurt again.
What helps you get over a bad relationship? If you have any advice or stories you’d like to share, please leave a comment down below.