A few days ago, I read an article titled “Staying Friends with Your Ex Will Ruin Your Future Relationships.” It pointed out several things that hinder you when trying to move from your ex, stating “[your ex] will echo in your current relationship” and “memories you shared will linger around you like a ghost.” The quote from the article that struck a nerve in me while reading was, “innocent relationships you maintain [with your ex] will cast a shadow over the new ones you should be building.” While this can be true and problematic at times, I have to disagree with the author’s overall argument.
One of the main reasons women choose to not be friends with their ex is simply because they are not over them. Even after women tell themselves, “I’m okay” or “I forgive them,” the person creeps in their thoughts anytime they are close to letting them go. Because of this, anytime women begin to explore the possibility of moving on with someone else, it never works out. They still are constantly thinking about their ex and begin comparing them to their current relationship.
Sis, it’s not your ex ruining your relationships, it’s you. You’re ruining them because you refuse to let go.
Yes, the times you and your ex had together were wonderful and probably some of the greatest times you’ve had in your life. It’s hard to let go and move on from someone that filled your heart with bliss and who you shared cherished moments with. However, you must remember that there is a reason the two of you didn’t work out. Your ex came into your life for a season and to teach you a lesson. Once the lesson has been taught, you must learn from it and grow, not linger and try to hold on to something that you know wasn’t right for you.
If you continue to hold on, it does indeed ruin your future relationships but only because you allow it. What you allow will continue to hinder your growth until you make it up in your mind that you will not dwell on what could have been, and what you and your ex had is exactly where it needs to be: in the past. Once you learn to truly let go, move on, and forgive, being friends with your ex won’t affect you and your future relationships. Recognize that if someone is removed from your life, there is always a reason. You may not understand why or like it, but it’s for your own good.
You can be friends with your ex and not have your feeling resurface when you grasp that the past is the past and it’s essential for you to get over the break-up. Being friends does not mean you two are hanging out or calling and texting each other all the time. It means you identify that the two of you meant something to each other and all you want to do is to see them succeed and be happy.
Being friends with your ex shows that you are mature enough to get over the fact that you weren’t meant to be together.
When you’ve come to terms and master the art of letting go, nothing or no one can stand in your way from finding true happiness with another person. You can have a lasting friendship with your ex and not be affected.