Have you ever wondered about the person you were before? If so, do you ever wish you can take a blast from the past and reflect on what the hell you were thinking? Well, since we don’t have a time machine, we do have our diaries. When reading my diary for the first time out loud from 4th grade to 8th grade gave me all the feels from cringing on how awful my grammar was to bursting into tears of hysterics on the various things I wrote from first crushes to silly school girl fantasies. I even have milestones from my first dance to my first kiss, which by the way, is more awkward reading it than actually living it. Going back in my twenties now reading my diary entries to my teenage year to preteen years. It made me realize how much I have changed in the past year and how much I grown. So here are the things I had to realize while reading my diary.
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1. My priorities have shifted completely- From players to heartbreaker from, he said she said back and forth games. There is always “Drama, Drama, Drama”. Now that I am older that stuff that is thrilling and exciting anymore. I could care less about knowing the hot goss because I have a life now in comparison to before. From having a job to even taking intense college classes, I don’t have time for the little things that are negative and that have nothing to do with me.
2. More content in myself- The thing I love about getting older is, realizing how much I just don’t give a fuck, which is really damn liberating if you ask me. I don’t care about people’s hate comments or if people don’t like me. I am just doing me and might I add if you don’t feel this way right now, just wait. It feels pretty damn good. Don’t be afraid to be yourself because someone once said, “The best you is the authentic you don’t change that”.
3. Just laugh at your mistakes- Whenever I read all the dumb shit I did in my youth, I think to myself, “WOW YOU IDIOT.”, While it was happening I was humiliated at the situation. Now as an adult, I accepted the fact that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes. We’ve all been there, you might as well own that shit.
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4. Embrace being alone. Quality is better than quantity- From high school to T-Swifts girl squad to #squadgoals we have in our mindset when we are younger that having a lot of friends is the “it” factor but from l previous friendships and from reading my diary. I wish I realized that people going their separate ways is not technically as damaging thing as it seems at the moment. People drift apart because communication styles and love languages are different. It is okay. I wish I would’ve known sooner having friends who do care about me the same way in comparison to a lot of friends that don’t give a damn about me.
5. Age does not= Maturity– I am going to keep it real. When I wrote in my diary I always wondered if the maturity of boys was going to instantly change in college. Well, I certainly have gotten my hopes up. (disclaimer: Not every guy is the same. All guys are different). This just my truth. I literally wrote a list on the ideal guy I would date when I was 23 and come to remind her she needs to wait a long year before that happens. Age does not always equal wisdom. Believe me, I thought since we are older, we would have our shit together but that is a different story. We are never going to have shit together. It just takes practice.
Finally, According to Times Maganize from psychologist Sandra Hamilton, “Our journal entries are a mirror of who we were at the time of our writing, not of who we are in the present”.