On Oct. 21, 2022, Taylor Swift released the album Midnights. On that album, she recorded thirteen tracks. On the fifth track, through a song that is three minutes and thirteen seconds long, she delivers a powerful reminder. No matter what your situation or where you are on your journey, you have always been capable of handling life on your own.
For me, this song represents my experience leaving for college as the oldest daughter. It was really hard to leave behind the people that I love. My youngest sibling is six years old. As I was closing out a chapter of my life, she was just starting hers.
“I didn’t choose this town; I dream of getting out. There’s just one who could make me stay. All my days.”
Now that I am at school, getting into a routine and settling into classes, it has been even more difficult to keep up with the responsibility of being the eldest daughter. Don’t get me wrong, perfectionism is still one of my defining traits. But it’s hard to be away from home and be there for everyone the way I was before. Even in a new town, my brain is trying to manage the household and family dynamic.
“You’re on your own, kid. You always have been.”
On one hand, I feel like I have always been on my own. Since I was younger, I always felt the need to take care of other people. Whether that was helping my brother with homework or giving my sister advice on friendships. Even cleaning the kitchen for my mom so she didn’t have to wake up to the mess from dinner my dad made. Doing these things on my own, and maybe reminiscing on past experiences, has been comforting for me.
“Everything you lose is a step you take.”
Now that I’m away, I have realized that I don’t have to reserve my independence and the need to help others just for my family but for myself too. I’m learning to channel my “eldest daughter” attitude into my studies in college. Perfectionism, responsibility, and empathy are traits I will have for the rest of my life. Now, I just need to know how to use them to build my future.
It’s hard to unlearn the need to save everyone else while you’re at college. To every eldest daughter reading this and wondering if she’s still doing this right: take a deep breath, look in the mirror, and remember you’ve got this. Maybe listen to a little Taylor Swift while you’re at it.
“Yeah, you can face this. You’re on your own, kid. You always have been.”