A recent reading I did for my American Literature course included a character that claims he knew his fate was a catastrophic event. But did his destiny in fact lead to a devastating event? Or was his catastrophe, being catastrophic?
A lot of people, me included, tend to prepare themselves for the worst. We always have a backup plan, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s not bad until we realize as a collective that we can’t be proactive if we continue to be defensive. If we try so hard to shield ourselves from the bad, we will never get to experience the good.
Something else has really put this into perspective for me. The recent series of plane crashes going on, the first of which I lost someone in. We weren’t related by blood; he was only a close friend of my mother. But losing Mikey felt like losing a father. I still get emotional when I think about the fact that he won’t be at my wedding or won’t get to meet my children.
He died in that crash at the age of 40.
No one was expecting it, it was so out of the blue, and he was supposed to live so much longer than he did.
We never know when our time is. Mine could be tomorrow for all I know. But I’m done living life afraid when there’s still so much for me to do. I traveled home for the service, during which one of his close friends said that we needed to not just live for him but continue living like him.
Mikey always had an adventurous spirit. He was always open to a good time, always making people laugh, always kind to people. But even the best people meet catastrophe. I’m not half the person that Mikey was, nor do I think I can fill the shoes that he left, but I’m going to give it my best shot.
Unlike the character in my reading, my demise will not be waiting for a catastrophe. I will leave this world only when I’ve accomplished everything, I’ve set out to do. And now I can do those things knowing Mikey is watching me, and hopefully proud of what I accomplish.
This was an event that I was not ready for, and it’s something I’m still not over, no matter how hard I try to suppress it and not talk about it. But as gut-wrenching as it was, this wasn’t my catastrophe. My catastrophe will not come, because I’m not going to sit around willing it into existence and driving myself mad over what might happen when I can be thankful for what has happened and what is.
So, to my friends, family, partner, and people no longer with me: Thank you. Without you, I would have no reason to look forward to tomorrow.