Where’d All The Time Go?

I hate nostalgia.

Who doesn’t hate nostalgia, though? Thinking back on simpler times, when life seemed to always be good to us. And then remembering you aren’t there anymore, and things are way more difficult than you ever imagined.

Thinking about how close I am to leaving my teenage years behind only makes my nostalgic thoughts even worse. Then getting on social media and seeing posts about our childhood movies, shows, toys, etc., and how long they’ve been around. And then seeing those high school decades days now, including dressing up as VSCO girls. It all makes me feel way older than I am.

I’m still a teen, and I’m not ready to let go of these years quite yet.

I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and appreciate it all instead of wishing to grow up faster like I always did. I romanticized adulthood, and now those rose-colored goggles have been stripped away to reveal the reality of it all.

Our parents, teachers, and any adults in our lives always told us to enjoy our childhood while it lasted, and we could never understand why. We wanted to be just like them because we thought they had it all figured out, and now we know they really didn’t; they wanted to be our age again.  

I wish I had listened to them and taken the time to truly enjoy every second of my younger life. Because now that it’s gone, I know I can never really get it back.

I try my best to go back in time, to a younger version of myself, by doing things I used to when I was that age.

I go to the park with my friends, I watch old shows and movies I loved growing up, I color in a coloring book, and I listen to music from that era, yet none of it feels the same.

When does this nostalgia always hit the worst? Around any holiday, which it’s that time of year again, so naturally it’s all I can think about.

Halloween is coming, and nothing will ever be like dressing up as a vampire or a witch (the only two things I was as a kid) and going trick-or-treating around my family’s neighborhood.

Thanksgiving is next, and I will never forget begging my mom to go Black Friday shopping with her and my cousins. Now I don’t even have to ask, I just get in the car with them.

And the worst one of them all… Christmas. Thinking Santa was watching and going to bring me all the toys or clothes I wanted because I was definitely on the nice list. Listening to old Christmas music as my family drove around to look at Christmas lights. Watching Hallmark with my mom by a fire with a huge bowl of popcorn.

It’s hard to think about and look back on because none of it will be the same again. Instead, all of these fun things we did have been replaced with more “age appropriate” activities.  

I wish I would’ve listened to all the adults.

I wish I was in Neverland, that way I never would’ve had to grow up.

• childhood
• growing up
• life
• nostalgia