Over the weekend, something occurred that altered my view of some of my friends. In all honesty, I was beyond shocked, angry and really hurt. I thought, and still do, that I did the right thing. The more I think and dwell on what happened I find myself more confused. I decided to write about this topic to give insight into what’s been going on in my head. I hope it helps others, and I hope it helps me.
I know it was not my fault, but why are my “friends” making me feel in the wrong? To make matters worse, they do not seem to care or understand.
I established connections with these girls. I have spent time with them. I have shared secrets with them. I have shared memories with them. I trusted them and considered them as some of my closest girlfriends.
Like others, I have been let down many times before. But now, I am older and more mature, and I know who and what I want in my life. I have a better knowledge of what is right. One thing I know for sure is: I do not like drama. Sadly, I have learned drama still exists in college, especially at a small college.
So, how does doing the right thing turn into drama? I have been perplexed by this question.
I am really blessed I have other people to talk to about the situation. My advice is to talk to someone who understands you more than you understand yourself. This can help determine if you are overreacting with your actions (not feeling because those are always valid). I have a lot of other friends that are beyond amazing, but I think I may have to narrow down who I want in my life more.
Next, give yourself time to process. The past couple of days I have been distancing myself. I had a movie night with my other friend, went driving around and talked with my other friends, went to the gym, and went grocery shopping. All these things reminded me I am not alone. But still, I am really emotionally drained because I see these girls every day.
I have kept to myself since I know I personally need time to process things. If I do not take enough time, I could say/do something out of character. I am sure others can relate to this. Another part of me is simply done. It is like I do not even care about having them in my life, but I have to tolerate them since they are in my future. I have living plans and travel plans. I am stuck in a hard spot.
I am past the point of anger and upset; I am hurt. I am really going to focus on myself and mind my own business. I am focusing on school, working out, being responsible and making time for genuine friends.
Stubbornness is one of my flaws (sometimes a strength). But, I think I am using it positively. I will not be chagrined anymore than I already was. I will stand my ground and surround myself with what I deserve.
I encourage others to do the same when unsureness clouds the mind. Try to focus on things and people you are certain of. A couple of days have passed, and I am feeling better about the situation. I acted like a friend I would be proud of to have, and that is all that matters.
If you are going through something similar remember to trust in yourself.