For most of my life I hated Valentine’s Day and I feel like most of us have hated this beloved holiday at some point in time. I used to tell myself it was fake, commercial, and kind of embarrassing.
Now that I’ve gotten older for some reason, I have adapted to love it. Not in the rom-com roses delivered to my doorway, but in a soft, complicated, I finally get it way.
I think this shift can explain why so many teenage girls both love and hate Valentine’s Day at the same time. When you’re a teenage girl the holiday feels more like a competition than a holiday. Who got the giant teddy bear? Who got roses delivered during third period? Who pretends they don’t care but absolutely does?
Valentine’s Day turns these normal insecurities into a public event. If you’re single, or like someone who doesn’t seem to like you back, it can sometimes feel that February 14th exists purely to remind you of that.
The majority of the time this holiday rewards appearances over reality. You’re expected to look pretty, act normal, and be grateful for your partner whether the relationship is truly healthy or not. I’ve seen people accept the bare minimum all because it was at least something.
What I didn’t expect is somewhere between this past year my feelings about Valentine’s Day has started to change, and not all because I have a great love life, but because I changed. I stopped seeing the day as a verdict on my worth and started to see it as a choice. Which is where the love part comes in.
I love that Valentine’s Day now gives you that permission to care. As teenagers, especially girls, we’re constantly told not to care too much. Don’t be clingy. Don’t be dramatic. Don’t read into things. Valentine’s Day, for one day, says: actually, it’s okay to be soft, to write a long card, and to love loudly.
It’s now not just about romantic love; it’s about intentional love. Showing appreciation instead of assuming people know. Learning to love Valentine’s Day is sort of a part of learning to love yourself, and realize it’s not all about comparison, it’s about connection.
So yeah, I used to hate Valentine’s Day. I hated the expectations, the disappointment, the way it made me feel behind. Now I love it, not because it’s perfect, but because I finally understand that love isn’t something you earn by being chosen on February 14th.