I always thought growing up would be exciting, but I really wish more than anything that I had the chance to be a kid again.
Don’t get me wrong, growing up has been amazing in so many ways; I have started college, made so many new friends, and started living the dreams that I’ve always had. On the other hand, though, growing up is terrifying. As I look around at all of my friends and peers or scroll through TikTok and see 20-year-old influencers buying apartments, getting engaged, and starting their lives, a harsh reality seems to slap me in the face: Everyone seems to have everything figured out at 20, everyone except for me.
With my 20th birthday quickly approaching, I find myself asking this question: Why is there so much pressure to have everything figured out by 20?
I think that social media gives people an unrealistic view of what an average 20-year-old’s life should look like. Seeing my favorite influencers reach milestones I haven’t even thought about yet makes me worry. I, and I am sure many others, really look up to these people. When I am not making the same progress as them, though, I feel defeated. I begin to wonder if I am behind in life, and if I should be making more progress than I am. But then, I compare my life to the hit sitcom Friends, and I realize that maybe I am right where I’m supposed to be.
The show Friends follows six close friends as they navigate their lives, starting when they are in their mid-20s. Rachel has fled from her wedding and has no career to fall back on, Ross has just gotten a divorce, and Monica is struggling both professionally and personally.
The show seems to be at the real beginning of their lives, since it ends with them “all grown up.” Their lives are built around being messy and uncertain—both things I can easily say reflect my life as of right now. The show also features the evolution of all of their lives: heartbreaks, career changes, children, and everything in between.
The characters didn’t really start to get their lives together until the end of the series, when they were in their late 20s to early 30s. What stands out to me is not the fact that they did eventually figure their lives out, but the fact that it took them so long to get there. This makes me feel better about my unplanned 19-year-old life.
Friends also shows the messiest parts of life: the good, the bad, the ugly, but the amazing, despite all of that. This is what feels missing from social media. We are constantly exposed to highlight reels of people’s lives, never really seeing the negative parts.
We never see the moments (or even years) of not knowing what comes next, confusion, or setbacks. Friends is much more relatable, at least in my opinion, and it makes me feel like it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
At 20, it’s okay to feel like you don’t have everything figured out. It’s okay to still be learning, making mistakes, and to be learning who you are. None of this is failure; it’s part of the process. I need to remind myself that I’m not late, I’m not behind, and I’m not missing anything.
I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
After all, I’m not even in my first season of Friends yet.