In today’s culture, we are constantly surrounded by media telling us all about how we need to be coupled up, in a traditional romantic relationship, to be happy. It is spouted that romantic relationships often form the most powerful sense of intimacy. Typically, this refers to the physical or sexual intimacy; the sharing of bodies as well as feelings. Sometimes, relationships are built upon this connection.
We live in a world that has commercialized love and rewarded those who have found their “true love”—look at Valentine’s Day and the tax breaks that come with marriage.
But what is often underrepresented is the intimacy that you can build with just about anyone.
I know that may sound absurd, but stay with me for a moment. Intimacy is ultimately a closeness and vulnerability shared between individuals. Being close to another person can come in all sorts of different ways.
I find that I have created this sense of closeness—or intimacy—with most people in my life.
Closeness with my roommates, who can tell my mood just by the way I walk in the door. They know when I want to go out and when I want to stay in. They know that they should stay out of my way when I do my deep clean of the apartment on weekends. They have seen some of my most vulnerable moments, and yet they remain.
Closeness with my friends, who, even if we just share a passing glance while walking through the hall, know that they are appreciated by me. They know that I love them even if I don’t say it back on the phone.
When finding this intimacy in relationships with other people, it often allows me to rediscover myself. It helps me remember that in order to share a fulfilling relationship with someone else, I must know myself fully first. Intimacy with my friends has shaped me as a person—not only because they are beautifully encouraging people that enrich my life with every breath they take—but also because they remain by my side as I learn who I am.
Intimacy for me does not have to be built on physical attraction, a romantic feeling, or even true love. Rather, it is the knowledge that you are supported and known. Intimacy to me is being able to say that someone knows me, not just that they find me attractive. Intimacy to me means that I feel safe enough to be vulnerable in front of you, a task I do not take lightly.
I have created intimacy with people who have been just a fleeting moment in my life. I have opened up and shared some of the most secret parts of my soul to people whom I’ve only just met.
It’s not about the time they spend in your life that measures these relationships; instead, it’s the safety you feel to express your heart to them. Don’t hide yourself away only because you know something will end. That is a waste!
Living your life to the fullest means sharing bits and pieces of yourself over and over again. This is what makes us human: connection to other people. The fear of being known only holds you back from finding the people who want to know every bit of you.
So if you feel safe enough to do so, tell them you love them. Share an embarrassing story. Tell them what they mean to you.
Sometimes it’s okay to know that a relationship won’t last forever. Life doesn’t last forever. That’s why you need to live it!