A couple of weeks back, Her Campus co-president Audney and I went on a trip to Buffalo for Mountain on the Road. The details of Mountain on the Road are insignificant to the story, except that you must first know that Mt. Irenaeus hosts it, and at Mt. Irenaeus, there is a group of friars and laypeople who live in community with one another. On our drive to Buffalo, Br. Joe, one of the friars, asked Audney and me if we have multiple handbags and whether we need one for each season or event.
I thought this question was sort of silly, but Br. Joe took it pretty seriously after engaging with one of the other community members on this topic and learning that some people who carry purses, namely women, have a number of bags and coordinate their bags with their outfit.
I sat in the car feeling disconnected. Not because I didn’t have a piece to add to the conversation, but because I felt like something was wrong with me for not fitting in this imaginary box of women who carry purses.
I felt like I had done something along the way to make myself a person who chooses to carry a tote bag or utilize pockets. I will, on occasion, be spotted with my little black shoulder-hugging purse, but that is on the rare occasion when I am going out, usually for dinner or book shopping.
I have always been one to carry a bag, especially for car rides. I seldom leave the house without at least a book, a beverage, some snacks, my keys, and my wallet. I could not possibly fit all of that in a purse, right?
Thinking about it now, it really stung me when Br. Joe only asked the women in the car. I felt left out of some agreement that carrying a purse is a key part of femininity.
Don’t get me wrong, I love showing the feminine parts of me, and I primarily dress in a more feminine-leaning way, but I feel confident and more like myself when I am wearing a “grandpa sweater,” some jeans, and a pair of sneakers. This doesn’t make me a masculine person, but it does make me less of a contender for purse-carrying.
It seems like such a small thing, but as I continue to discover more parts of myself, I have started to take note of those things I do that deviate from the expectations society has for women. I feel myself growing each time I acknowledge these differences.
I don’t present myself in the ways I once did. I was never one to wear makeup beyond mascara (thank you, Mom, for causing me to miss out on that awkward stage of overdoing my makeup as a 13-year-old!), and I certainly care less about it making me appear more feminine or attractive, but it’s still something that I sometimes wish I had learned how to do.
I dress the way I like now, rather than the way the girls around me dress. I don’t want to attract the male gaze, so I dress for what I find attractive and what I look for. I don’t mind asking my housemates for a dress for a formal every so often since I didn’t bring any to campus with me. I enjoy the way I dress and feel now that I have learned more about my own preferences and understanding of self.
I am not a purse person, and I’m proud to promote this part of my personality!