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SBU | Wellness > Sex + Relationships

Tales from a Former Delusional Girl

Natalie Merrill Student Contributor, St. Bonaventure University
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

My boyfriend Hayden and I will celebrate our one-year anniversary this Sunday. I could tell you the exact moment that my crush on Hayden started. January 19, 2024. I reached past him in a group of people to grab my roommate Carter’s attention. When Hayden realized I was Carter’s roommate, he asked me to give Carter some money he owed him. As cringy or stereotypical as it might sound, the moment that Hayden and I made eye contact, I was done for. Crush was formed. Time to play Taylor Swift’s “Mastermind.”   

Later that night, I saw him chatting with some of my friends who are frequent faces on Nat at Nite (re: my article from last week). So, I did what any girl would do. I started filming my friends, thus prompting him to ask me about the camcorder, thus allowing me to tell him to follow me on Instagram! It was too easy. 

My crush on Hayden was the easiest crush of my life. I only told a few people about it. I saw Hayden twice weekly at volleyball, and sometimes on the weekends with friends. The crush didn’t consume my every thought; it just kind of existed.  

That being said, just because it was easy doesn’t mean I didn’t find every opportunity to talk to him or text him. Not to mention that time I jumped at the chance to take him to the hospital when he sprained his ankle during volleyball. It also doesn’t mean that I didn’t have some of those classic crush freak-outs. Thanks to iCloud, these moments are saved in texts to my friends (shoutout to Rylie and Cassy for dealing with all of these). Some of my favorite texts to look back on include… 

January 28, 2024: “AH. AHHH.” (my reaction to him snapchatting me for the first time)  

January 30, 2024: “Oh my god guys I’m walking on the indoor track and Hayden is playing basketball below. And I’m not even wearing one of my hot workout sets! Criminal!”  

February 5, 2024: “Like hello I love you?” (referencing him being nice to me)  

Some people might read those texts or hear my stories and call me crazy and delusional. And in the past, I’ve certainly called myself delusional for doing the same thing for a crush that didn’t work out. So, why did it work out for me this time?  

Simply put, it’s not delusion when it’s the right person. There’s a reason this was the easiest crush of my life. Even during our talking stage, I had no anxiety, no nerves, no sleepless nights. When you know, you know. If it leaves you feeling physically or mentally unwell, it’s probably time to bring your emotions elsewhere. 

For all my people who have been given the “delusional” label, it’s okay to be excited about a crush and say or do silly things. It’s okay to be a hopeless romantic. Eventually, it will lead you to a relationship where you and your partner can look back and laugh at you following him around on St. Patrick’s Day (maybe based on a true story). 

**Warning: Sappiness ahead** 

I’ve had multiple people tell me that they feel like Hayden and I have been together longer than we actually have. Last semester, my friend Riley said that it seems like Hayden and I have been “Nat and Hayden” for so long that she couldn’t believe we had been together less than a year at that point. While it feels like Hayden and I have been together as long as I can remember, I also still feel like that giddy girl with a crush. One year later, I still smile when his name pops up on my phone. I still get just as happy to spend time with him. I still try to impress him. I love being in a relationship where that initial excitement never went away.  

Happy (almost) anniversary to Hayden and me! I hope that this little glimpse into our story gives all “delusional” people some hope. Your person will find you.  

Natalie, or Nat as most know her, is a new member of Her Campus at SBU! This is her first year in the chapter, and she looks forward to using Her Campus as a way to express herself and rediscover her former love for writing.

In May 2024, Natalie graduated with her bachelor's in history with minors in political science and Spanish from St. Bonaventure after three years. She is continuing her education and receiving her master's in adolescence education during what would be her senior year. As an undergrad, she was President of College Democrats, involved in University Ministries and held two jobs on campus. She is currently working as a graduate assistant with the student success center, teaching a FRES 100 class to 14 freshmen and meeting with them each week to help ensure their success in college.

Outside of her professional career, Natalie enjoys anything that involves breakfast and coffee. She can talk anyone's ear off for hours on end, and frequently does so with her best friends. Her passions include anything to do with the city of Buffalo (go Bills), politics, her study abroad experience in Oxford, England and her early 2000s camcorder.