I want to make one thing clear before we start: the title is a joke. I obviously don’t have the authority to tell people what music they are allowed/not allowed to listen to. In the article, I will explain why I believe that there are some songs that men don’t understand.
They will never have the experiences in life that allow them to fully grasp the emotional concepts that some of these songs address. That is not to say that they are emotionally immature or anything like that; women just have different experiences and go through life differently.
“We’ll Never have sex” by Leith Ross
This is probably the song I feel most confident about. This song is so deeply rooted in the female experience of being viewed as only a sexual object that I seriously don’t think a cis male could fully understand all the emotions that come with that.
Yes, anyone can be viewed as a sexual object, but women are groomed since childhood that some of their value comes from their ability to “put out”. Sex therapist, Emily Morse, speaks about the harmful effects of societal expectations of women in a Masterclass article: “Expectations can reinforce stereotypes, such as women must wear lingerie or the idea that men have a stronger sex drive than women. Misconceptions around sex can lead to body image issues and affect mental well-being.”
Ross croons, “Oh, you kissed me just to kiss me / Not to take me home.” The revelation that someone you’re interested in likes you for you and has no expectations of sex is liberating. They are sweet, they are “good to know.”
“Pretty girl” by clairo
Aside from the direct references to obvious femininity and being a girl, the themes of having to be perfect for a partner or society to make them like you are often a uniquely female experience.
This can be shown in some statistics about what people expect from each gender. According to a 2017 Pew Research Center poll, 71% of Americans think that women face a lot of pressure to look physically attractive. This is compared to just 27% of people who think that men face this same pressure.
Clairo is showing that she is feeling this pressure by singing: “I can be a pretty girl / shut up when you want me to.” On top of a pop-y beat, she sings about how she can be whatever that person wants her to be: “I’ll lose myself in you.”
“Pushing it down and praying” by lizzy mcalpine
I feel that if you know the lyrics, or even just listen to it casually, you can get the sense that Lizzy McAlpine is speaking about a deeply feminine.
Here there are emotionally charged lines of:
“I wanna feel guilty
I wanna feel that it’s wrong
I wanna know peace again”
Throughout the whole song, McAlpine is singing about the complex emotions that come with intimacy. She is having sex with one man while thinking about another. This is a song about the reactions to heterosexual sex that women sometimes face.
“Idontwanttobeyouanymore” by billie eilish
I could not make a list like this and not include a song by Billie Eilish. Each one of her songs seems to tap into what it means to be a woman in today’s world.
Eilish, in her iconic whisper vocals, sings:
“If teardrops could be bottled
There’d be swimming pools filled by models
Told, ‘A tight dress is what makes you a whore’
If ‘I love you’ was a promise
Would you break it, if you’re honest?
Tell the mirror what you know she’s heard before
I don’t wanna be you
Anymore”
This song draws on the same pressures and expectations that “Pretty Girl” by Clairo does. Women, especially models, are expected to fit into such a tight standard of beauty that oftentimes their physical appearance comes at the expense of their mental and physical health.
Each of these songs highlights something deeply feminine and unique about womanhood. Though I understand that men can have empathy for the tough emotions that situations like these may bring up in women, my personal opinion is that they can’t understand the themes themselves enough to really fall in love with the nuance of their lyrics.