Parents – click off. This one’s not for you.
Nestled in New York’s picturesque Southern Tier, St. Bonaventure University is a true hidden gem. Despite its small size (only around 2,500 undergraduate students), SBU is bustling with activity, and let’s just say the students here aren’t exactly sedentary in the bedroom.
Wink wink.
Around 80% of college students report having participated in sexual activity while pursuing their undergraduate degree, and most college students report having anywhere from two or more sexual partners in a year. Other data from 2011 suggests that most, but certainly not all, college students enter their college years having already participated in consensual sexual activity.
Sure, the scientific data is old and undoubtedly hazy, but the point stands:
SBU students are no strangers to sex.
Because St. Bonaventure University is so small, having casual sex here can give rise to a whole slew of niche issues that just don’t happen at bigger universities.
While watching an episode of “Sex and the City”, in true Carrie Bradshaw fashion, I couldn’t help but wonder, what does participating in hookup culture look like at a small school like SBU?
If you have found yourself wondering the same thing, today’s your lucky day!
Meet six St. Bonaventure University students, and intimately at that, and read the inside scoop on sex in a small city (names have been eliminated for privacy reasons).
Each participant was asked 10 questions, and while some of their answers have not been featured, here are their unfiltered, raw answers.
WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU DO PARTICIPATE OR HAVE PARTICIPATED IN HOOKUP CULTURE AT SBU?
Anonymous male, age 21, bisexual (will be referred to as M): Yes.
Anonymous male, age 20, heterosexual (will be referred to as MA): I have participated in hookup culture here in the past.
Anonymous female, age 20, heterosexual (will be referred to as A): Yes.
Anonymous female, age 20, bisexual (will be referred to as B): Yes, I have participated in hookup culture.
Anonymous female, age 19, bisexual (will be referred to as C): I do participate in hookup culture at St. Bonaventure University.
Anonymous female, age 18, lesbian (will be referred to as D): I have participated in hookup culture at St. Bonaventure University.
IN YOUR OWN WORDS, DEFINE HOOKUP CULTURE.
M: Hookup culture is the removal of emotional connection from sexual contact in hopes of satisfying physical desires in place of long-term emotional involvement.
C: In my opinion, hookup culture is seen as a way to receive sexual attention or pleasure in a way that doesn’t involve commitment.
D: Bad. Lustful.
WOULD YOU SAY THAT HOOKUP CULTURE AT SBU IS EVER DANGEROUS ?
M: Yes. Hookup culture increases the chance of the transmission of STIs and can, unfortunately, also result in increased rates of sexual assault and sexual violence.
MA: Not in my personal experience or that I know of, but it definitely has the potential to be.
A: I think that it can be, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be. Like any form of sexual encounter, there’s always a risk of assault or another frightening or uncomfortable scenario. I think that hookup culture can be emotionally dangerous if one party is expecting emotional commitment or some form of relationship as the result of repeated hookups while the other party is just there to have casual sex, which can lead to a situationship. That’s why communication between the parties is crucial to manage expectations.
C: Yes, hookup culture in any environment is dangerous. When you mix alcohol into the picture, it can become a blurry line to cross.
WHAT IS A MUTUAL EXPECTATION THAT YOU HAVE WHEN WITH A NEW SEXUAL PARTNER?
M: I would expect little to no emotional connection and no romantic partnership with a new casual sexual partner.
MA: I don’t really know, to be honest. When I have hooked up with people, it has varied from consistent communication to just a one-time thing.
A: If you’re strictly hooking up with someone and nothing else, neither party should expect exclusivity. I don’t think hookups should be contacting one another regularly like they would with a friend or partner; if they are, then they’re no longer just a hookup. Circumstances could be different if the parties knew one another in a different context before they began hooking up. If either party develops real romantic feelings, then it’s no longer a hookup.
B: When I was having casual sex, I expected exclusivity, consistency (at least on the weekends), non-romantic feelings (but still feelings), and friendship with them where we could have honest conversations and honestly discuss our needs.
C: I personally don’t have sex the first time I meet someone. I expect mutual respect for one another in public settings and on social media. I don’t expect exclusivity, and I don’t have any expectations of feelings or weekday contact- but more of just whatever feels right.
D: I expect there to be no feelings and no real talking outside of the bars.
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT SEX IS THE BEST WAY TO MEET A FUTURE PARTNER AT SBU?
MA: From personal experience, F*CK no.
A: No. While I think that a real romantic relationship can arise from a sexual relationship and that good sex is important to real relationships, I don’t think that the foundation of a good relationship is sex but rather a genuine desire for and delight in the good of the beloved.
C: No, I believe the best way to meet a future partner at SBU is by reaching out in whatever way feels comfortable to you. If that means sex, that’s okay. For me, it means getting to know the person without having to be extremely intimate the first time.
WHERE WOULD YOU SAY IS THE BEST PLACE TO PICK SOMEONE UP?
M: I found most of my sexual partners on dating apps or while going out on the weekends.
B: I would say it depends on the type of person you are trying to meet. The bar is a great option when it comes to meeting new people. I always feel the most confident when having a good time out with my friends, usually in a bar setting, so that is the best time to “pick up someone.”
D: I would say at the bars downtown.
YOU’RE GOING OUT ON THE TOWN AND YOU’RE FEELING FRISKY. YOU MEET SOMEONE YOU’RE ATTRACTED TO AND YOU WANT TO TAKE THEM HOME. IN FIVE WORDS OR LESS, DESCRIBE HOW YOU’LL ACT.
M: Confident, honest.
MA: Nice, funny.
A: Weird and off-putting.
B: Cautious, curious, direct and flirty.
C: Kind, confident, cautious, forward and affectionate.
D: Forward, confident, funny and nice.
IF YOU HAVE A LINE, WHAT IS IT?
MA: When I was having casual sex, probably just something basic, like “wyd later.”
A: Asking them, “Where do I know you from?” especially when I’ve never seen them before in my life.
D: “Have you ever watched rugby?”
WHAT WOULD YOU TELL/WARN A FRIEND ABOUT IF THEY WERE CONSIDERING HAVING CASUAL SEX HERE?
M: I would tell them to err on the side of caution when engaging in hookup culture. While it can be fun, the long-term effects can lead to a negative self-image and can cause a correlation between self-worth and sexual activity. Â
MA: I would tell them to just be themselves and go for it if they want to hook up with someone.
A: Be safe, have fun, and leave if disrespected.
B: I would say as long as you are not expecting a relationship, I think it’s a great way to explore yourself sexually. As long as you are protecting yourself with contraceptives and not going home with complete strangers, then it is fine.
C: I would tell my friend to be safe but to go for it. You’re only young once and have a very limited window of opportunity to experience something like this. There is no harm in getting the full experience safely and compassionately.
D: Do it! It’s fun.
GIVE ME ONE POSITIVE AND ONE NEGATIVE OF PARTICIPATING IN HOOKUP CULTURE AT SBU.
M: One positive is the short-term gratification and physical pleasure from consensual sexual encounters. One negative is a public perception that lingers even after an individual stops engaging in hookup culture.
MA: A negative is definitely just that it’s a small school, and everyone who wants to know something tends to find it out. I don’t really know of a positive, to be honest.
A: A positive is that you can meet a lot of new people and that, chances are, you already know someone who can vet your potential hookup, which makes it safer. A negative is that there’s really no such thing as a secret at a school this small. If you hook up with someone, people will know. When I hear a rumor about myself, especially those regarding my sexual exploits, I think of the line in “No More Parties in LA” that goes, “Any rumor you ever heard about me was true and legendary” because, at the end of the day, what the hell, sure.
B: Most people are not strangers, so hookup culture here is generally safe because everyone knows everyone. At a small school, you usually know who you are with, where you are, and how to get home. However, everyone knows who you get with, and false information spreads quickly and easily.
C: A positive aspect is the ability to gain knowledge and experience through relationships with different kinds of people. It’s amazing to see the vast differences from person to person. A negative aspect is that everyone knows everyone here, so if you’re trying to be more discreet about a situation, chances are it won’t happen, and if it does, people will know.
D: A positive is that you might meet someone you have a good connection with (at least for the night), and a negative would probably just be seeing them around school.