As a person who has been in relationships and “situationships” since I was 16 years old, I have not had a break of not talking to someone until recently. This is the first time I have not been romantically involved with a person in two years. I know that can sound crazy, but it’s my reality. This new chapter in my life I entered a month ago led me to learn one of the biggest lessons that I have ever gotten in my entire life. I am a lover girl at heart. To give and receive love is infectious. One of my biggest goals in life is to make other people feel loved. But, what I realized I was doing over time, was I was letting other people have control over my emotions. If I was having an off day with the person I was involved with, it would impact my entire day. I would let it show to myself and others if I had a good day or not. This is one of my biggest takeaways as I have entered an era of healing. No one should ever decide for you if you have a bad day or not. Your emotions are something that another person should never have the ability to impact negatively.
I have also realized that there is such importance to being alone. I will forever say this, but one of the best things that can ever happen to someone is to get broken up with. Getting broken up with for the first time is what I consider the best thing that happened to me. I realized that during that relationship, I was associating my identity with who that person was. This meant after the break up, I was lost as I was with the person for one of the most defining times in my life. Finding who I was again was a top priority after such major events. This is similar to the time that I am in right now. Today, I am in college which is what I believe is another defining time in my life. Being alone for this time in my life is something I believe I am meant to go through to aid in the growth of myself. Everyone should be alone at some point in their life, as you can learn so much about yourself when you do not have someone else’s opinion constantly in the picture.
Currently, I am at the place of wanting to make myself happy. In the end, indeed, you cannot make other people happy if you are not happy with yourself. I refused to believe that this was the case for an eternity, however, that thought is what has catapulted me into my time of healing. I have not focused energy on making myself happy for almost two years, as I have always focused on pleasing another person instead. But, now this is going to be a major focus in my life, this is my era where I will be happy, alone and focusing on my happiness. I need to learn who I am right now in life instead of letting another person define my life. I am tired of hurting myself by letting other people hurt me. I want to become a better version of myself before I let another person in.