This past weekend, I visited my brother with my dad and our dog George while my mom was on a girls’ trip in Florida. We watched my brother play baseball and had a nice Saturday spending plenty of quality time with family. I then thought of some of my friends and their reactions to the stories from my childhood don’t line up.Â
There’s the belief that as people, you are the product of your environment. The more I am at college the more I believe this to be true. I also see that many times we get our perception of love through the love we see from our parents. I don’t think it’s a guarantee that if a person’s parents are divorced, they are doomed to get a divorce in the future, but many initial perceptions of what long-term relationships look like come from our parents and the people around us that seem to be in a long-term relationship with another person. These are some of the top green flags my parents gave me for love.Â
- Arguments aren’t arguments but a scream for an important conversation
My parents were always firm on this. Anytime they disagreed about the way things should be done, finances, or any other assorted disagreements it was a scream for them to communicate. Sure, voices might be raised in the heat of the moment, especially about topics they feel passionate about. My brother and I were reassured that raised voices didn’t mean that they didn’t love each other anymore or that they would forever fight about the topic. They just were exercising their “marital right” to openly and honestly communicate with one another. They explained to us how sometimes these argument conversations made their relationship with each other stronger as a result of arguing.Â
- Separate lives and knowing each other’s differencesÂ
My dad is a homebody with small roots set outside. Sometimes he’ll get really invested in talking about one subject with a stranger for longer than his usual quick conversation. My mom talks (like a lot). She’s the one we have to drag to the car as she drags out the goodbyes to family and friends at gatherings. The whole opposites attract trope is closer to two people balancing each other out as they take on the challenges and struggles of life. My mom tends to go on girls’ trips and her life didn’t diminish because she had kids, she still made time to hang out with her friends through workouts, and nights with her friends hanging out. My dad preferred seeing his friends every once in a while and seemed okay focusing on his work and his kids.
- Gender roles were present but never really intentional
My dad was typically the one taking out the trash, doing the yard work, and other “blue jobs”; My mom would clean the house, and other “pink jobs”. I never took this as intentional, when I got to middle school, I had to take the trash out every week and my brother would take the cans up the driveway every other week. I was doing my own laundry, but my brother tended to help my mom with cleaning up the house. These jobs were assigned based on our strengths and what we felt comfortable doing not based on gender even if from the outside they looked gendered. It was just doing what you could to balance the family out.Â
I’m very happy with the way that I grew up and eternally grateful to my parents for giving me a solid perception of love to help guide me in my developing adulthood. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t always perfect, but each moment of imperfection taught us something valuable. I can see how my perception of love has been shaped by my parents which I find very cool. I’ve found that love rolls like the four seasons, (autumn, summer, winter, and spring) in terms of changes and shifts in both partners and people involved in the relationship. Much of their advice has also been incorporated into the beauty of the platonic friendships I have.