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SBU | Wellness > Sex + Relationships

Reality Checking the Rom-Coms

Ella McIntyre Student Contributor, St. Bonaventure University
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

Perhaps one of the biggest contradictions is my entire outlook on love. I think it’s impossible to ignore the countless number of fairy tale princesses, love stories, romance novels, and movies. I think these examples of love also give false perspectives on what love looks like in real life. 

I am a sucker for reading romance novels, getting sucked up into a rom-com that is more romantic than comedy, and hearing the perfect fairy tale ending in Disney movies. With all that, I’ve been told that I am the least observant person and that “flirting [with me] is impossible.” I don’t disagree. I don’t see anything wrong with being a sucker for those romance movies and novels; I adore my friends and family and want the best for them, I have a boyfriend who I love endlessly, and I just can’t see any aspect of these movies or novels as “the standard” for real life. 

I see plenty of couple trends and romantic relationships on social media, as well as a push towards “being loved loudly”. I think I have a different definition of being loved loudly. For as much as I’m a sucker for every cute romantic couple trend, it cringes me out to repeat it for my own romantic relationship. I quite enjoy in-person versions of love that aren’t shared with the public. I hate making my significant other the star of my social media.  

Social media can be a powerful tool that provides a lot of positives. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, social media becomes a breeding ground for comparison and determining what the “right” way is to love someone. I also think social media tends to set an expectation that if you don’t receive something physical from a significant other, that somehow makes the relationship unworthy. I also think that a lot of these expectations pull from the romantic comedy, novel, and Disney or fairytale ending. 

Personally, I see that there are realistic expectations for romantic relationships, even if those expectations sound like the bare minimum (metaphorical) bar is on the ground. I see these expectations as starting at the ground and rising to a level that both you and your significant other can both reach and feel comfortable doing. For example, I can’t automatically assume that my significant other knows exactly how to handle every diabetes complaint if I didn’t discuss it with him. In the same way, my romantic partner can’t assume I will know everything he wants me to say or do without communicating with me about how to best love him.  

I don’t think that social media and romantic forms of media produce only bad expectations of love. I still fall victim to sending my boyfriend TikToks and reels of ‘us core’ of cute, iconic couples. However, there is a real difference between what romantic relationship things you see online compared to real life. I think a lot of mistakes can be made if you see the online world as the basis of reality for what present relationships should be like on a day-to-day basis.

Ella McIntyre

SBU '27

Ella is a member of the St. Bonaventure Her Campus Chapter. She plans on writing pieces that cover music, literature, TV and Movies, and the happenings of her life here at SBU.

Ella is a junior Inclusive Adolescent Education and English double Major. She enjoyed doing New Visions Education during her senior year of high school, which gave her a small experience of observing middle and high school classrooms. She has enjoyed exploring all of the clubs and opportunities SBU has to offer, and continues to do so by joining Her Campus, volunteering at the SPCA, as a member of the Bonaventure Education Association (BEA, and SGA representative for SBU for Equality and SBU College Democrats.

Outside of classes and Her Campus, Ella can be found studying, reading, or outside soaking up the sun (whenever it’s an option to “photosynthesize”). Ella also loves chatting with friends as a part of her not-so-quick study breaks.