Today, my little sister walked into my room to show me the dress that she is wearing for her first middle school dance. She was beaming, waiting for me to tell her how beautiful she looked. Before I could get any words out, I began sobbing. I couldn’t help myself. At that moment, it hit me that she isn’t a baby anymore. What’s even worse is that, while I’m away at school, she’s growing up, and I can’t be there to watch.
Growing up alongside Emmie has been a privilege, to say the least. Emmie was born when I was 8 years old, and from the moment I saw her, I was utterly obsessed with her. She was perfect. She had the cutest button nose and rosy cheeks. I fell in love immediately. She was a carbon copy of me. If you compare our baby pictures, you can barely tell who is who. She is my mini-me. I used to love helping my mom take care of her. I would feed her bottles and change her diaper whenever I could, just so I could spend time with her. When we would play together, she had this belly laugh that would just make me melt. Even now, she still has that same laugh, and it brings me an indescribable joy every time I hear it.
I blinked my eyes, and now she’s 11 and in middle school. I have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that she’s gaining her independence and developing her sense of self. She started talking to boys, found an interest in makeup and clothes, and even got herself into some drama at school. And yet, when I look at her, I still see a baby girl. I still see that button nose and those rosy cheeks. Watching her grow is truly something I cannot describe. It’s bittersweet to see my baby sister find herself.
At my high school graduation, when I saw her, she ran up to me and cried in my arms. I cried, too. We knew that this was the beginning of our lives without each other, and neither of us was ready to face that. When she was there to drop me off at college, we cried in each other’s arms once again because we still couldn’t face the fact that we would be apart. I can’t say it’s become any easier for me. Everything I do and every decision I make is centered around setting a good example for her. I want to set the bar high so she can achieve even more than I could ever dream of. I live to make her proud so she can make me even prouder one day.
So today, when she walked into my room, looking all grown up and beautiful in her pink dress, I cried. It hit me hard, knowing that she is experiencing life independent from me. She will go out and socialize and have a great time with all of her friends, just as I did when I was her age. She will go through the motions of growing up and all of the pains and joys that come with it. But what makes me the luckiest sister in the world is the fact that she still knows that she is my baby. She still asks me to do her makeup. She still gets excited when I come home. She still lets me cook for her when she gets home from school, and she still lets me hold her just as I did when she was a baby. I hope she knows that I will stay by her side through all of the seasons of life, and I will always, always take care of her. Being a big sister is hard, and watching your little siblings grow up is even harder, but all of the love that comes with it makes it so rewarding, and I couldn’t be any luckier to have my Emmie in my life.