If you have a sister, you understand the complicated relationships that come with sisterhood.
I’d give her my kidney if she needed one, but she better not ask for a sweater before I get to wear it. I told her I hated her five minutes ago, but now I want her to go with me to get a sweet treat. I swore to her that we would never speak again, and now we have matching tattoos.
It’s a bond that no one else can truly understand. Fights cut deep, but our bond is always deeper.
The day you never want to prepare for is the day they leave. Not leaving you behind for college, or you leaving her behind for college when she finally gets back, but really, truly leaving.
Just this weekend, I had to drive back to college knowing the next time I came home, my older sister would be in Alaska. For (mostly) good. I cried (and cried some more), feeling like I had just lost my best friend.
The truth is, as much as I am going to miss her, there is absolutely no distance that could change us.
My older sister is my best friend. Not just close, but truly my other half. People who meet us are in awe of our closeness. We have the bond that is dreamed of when someone imagines having a sister.
When she first told me she was planning on moving to Alaska, it felt like a fever dream. There is no way that my sister, who has the worst FOMO known to mankind, would ever move 4,000 miles from her family.
But over time, her certainty grew, and my heart broke a little with each talk of it.
I wish I could write this in anger and say I hate her for leaving me behind, but I’m an adult now, and I can try my best to act like it. Truly, I’m beyond proud of her. And she’s not leaving me behind, because wherever she goes, a little part of me goes with her.
There was a time when she settled for the bare minimum, a time when she didn’t know how amazing she was. Now she is accomplishing things that may have never been possible if she hadn’t taken a stand for herself and if she hadn’t realized she was the person I’ve always known she could be.
She is the strongest, most amazing person I know, and Alaska should consider itself lucky to have her.
I’m sad that I can’t go home and take on all of our mom’s random errands with her. I’m sad that the person who dropped everything to come see me when I cried over FaceTime about being overwhelmed isn’t a drive away anymore. I’m beyond devastated that the other half of my heart isn’t even in the same state anymore.
Growing up sucks. Saying goodbye sucks. But FaceTime still exists, and so do airplanes.
Growing up alongside your best friend is an experience that not everyone is lucky enough to have. And I got to experience it.
As I sit here and sulk about missing her, I recognize that I am the luckiest person in the world to have a best friend, twin flame, mirror soul, and sister all wrapped into one.
With distance, our bond will only grow stronger, I know that. Nothing could ever change our bond, because I know she is my best friend in every lifetime; my home.
She may be thousands of miles away now, but she is still stitched into every part of who I am.
Forever, she is my big sister.