Every semester, I tell myself the same thing: This time, I’m going to be the most focused, academic, studious version of myself. And every semester, I walk into lecture with my iced coffee and water bottle, my color-coded notes, and the full intention of paying attention.
And then… my brain does whatever it wants.
Here’s a completely honest transcript of my internal monologue during a typical 75-minute college lecture:
First 5 minutes — The Delusional Academic Era
Okay. I’m ready. I’m focused. I’m taking notes. Look at me go. I understand everything. I should be a professor, honestly.
1 minute later — The First Distraction
Wait… did I leave my laptop charger in my room?
Why does my professor walk like that?
Why does everyone look so awake? Is it the caffeine? Should I get more caffeine? Probably.
10 minutes into class — Questioning Reality
What is this class actually about? I swear the syllabus explained this differently.
Am I behind? I think I’m behind.
No, it’s fine. I’ll catch up later. (A lie.)
15 minutes into class — The Hunger Spiral
Why didn’t I eat before this? I could literally cry.
Is it socially acceptable to eat a granola bar right now?
Sh*t! I forgot to take my meds again.
Why does the girl next to me have Chipotle? In lecture?? Live your truth, queen.
20 minutes into class — The Academic Crisis
Everyone else looks like they’re understanding.
Are they actually understanding, or are we all faking it together?
If I ask a question, will I sound smart, or will I sound like someone who has never attended school a day in her life?
30 minutes into class — The Drifting
What if I cut my hair short?
Should I change my major?
Should I start a podcast?
Why does my leg fall asleep every lecture? Is this a medical issue?
45 minutes into class — The Daydream Era
If I were in a coming-of-age movie, this is the part where I stare out the window.
Should I start journaling?
Should I drop everything and move to Europe?
Why does the guy three rows in front of me look so familiar?
60 minutes into class — The “I’m a New Person” Lie
Okay. New plan. I will pay attention for the rest of class.
I will be focused.
I will listen.
I will—
Wait, what chapter are we on?
70 minutes into class — The Final Five-Minute Hustle
I suddenly understand everything.
I take more notes in these five minutes than the entire lecture.
I am unstoppable.
I am brilliant.
I am… done.
Wait, that guy looks like that random guy I saw in the library corner when I almost fell up the stairs!
The truth is, college lectures are a mental obstacle course. One minute you’re absorbing knowledge; the next you’re wondering if your professor has ever experienced joy. But honestly? That’s what makes it all kind of beautiful.
Because even with the chaos, the distractions, the spiraling thoughts, somehow we’re still learning. Somehow, we still pass. Somehow, we still show up.
And honestly, that might be the real college miracle.