It all started oh so sweetly. Just me, an iced coffee, and the innocent hope that I could survive my nine a.m. class or even just the day without falling asleep on my laptop. I genuinely believed iced coffee was my forever love — cold, comforting, aesthetic, and just enough caffeine to convince me I was becoming that girl, romanticizing my day from moment one.
But like every toxic relationship, it escalated; it went too far.
At first, it was harmless: one caramel iced coffee here, one vanilla cold brew there. But soon, the daily coffee shop order notifications became concerning. It wasn’t “a treat” anymore. It was a necessity. A ritual. A lifestyle. And like any girl unprepared for the academic chaos ahead, I started chasing a stronger high.
Enters the Energy Drink Era.
I don’t know who handed me my first Celsius, but that was my villain origin story. Suddenly, I wasn’t just awake — I was vibrating. I was convinced I could write a 10-page paper, reorganize my entire life, and train for a marathon all in the next hour. Did my heart enjoy this? Absolutely not. But did I keep going? Absolutely yes.
Then came Alani Nu. The blue raspberry and mimosa ones specifically, “This is just for exam week,” I told myself. Then exam week turned into every week. Caffeine became less of a drink and more of a personality trait. But the true sign of chaos?
Mixing, not together into one concoction, but starting my day with a coffee, then once it was gone, cracking an energy drink. Was it a healthy choice? No. Were there side effects? Oh, yes. At this point, caffeine and I are in a long-term, extremely toxic situationship.
I ignored all the red flags: the jittery hands, the anxiety spikes, the nights my heart beats like a dubstep remix, the bank account that weeps a little each time I refill my cup. I tell myself, “Tomorrow I’ll cut back,” and then tomorrow arrives… and I’m in line at Dunkin’ again.
But here’s the truth: I’m not quitting. Not yet. Just being the slightest bit more responsible.
Caffeine has gotten me through exams, heartbreaks, nine a.m. alarms, late-night study sessions, and every “I can’t do this” moment of college. It may be chaotic, dramatic, and sometimes concerning, but it’s also comforting in its own ridiculous way.
So yeah, my caffeine habit may have spiraled from cute, iced coffees to drinks that look like radioactive potions. But in the mess of college life, caffeine always shows up for me — in whatever form I need.
And honestly? I respect that.