Everyone has a Roman Empire. I fear I have a few too many. And unfortunately, they switch around like holiday decorations in my brain. They arrive unannounced, refuse to leave, and demand to be thoroughly analyzed at the most inconvenient times.
So instead of pretending I don’t obsess over the most random things, I’m documenting them. For closure. Or for attention. Either way, here they are.
vpr – Tom and Tom
If you haven’t watched Vanderpump Rules, then you probably have no idea who Tom and Tom are. Let me paint you a specific picture: Imagine two best friends, who, no matter what, no matter HOW WRONG, always choose each other. Seems cute, right? Now imagine covering for each other while the other cheats on their SO, fighting each other’s significant others, and just fully embodying “if we go down, we go down together.” Pure chaos. And it is embedded in my brain more than I’d like to admit (and not in a good way).
Glee – Quinn Fabray’s birth
If there is one scene you have to watch from Glee, it’s the dramatic and cinematic experience that is Quinn Fabray going into labor while Jesse St. James (played by Jonathan Groff) sings “Bohemian Rhapsody.” This scene truly altered my brain chemistry. Honestly, I should probably just add Jonathan Groff to this never-ending list. But again, seriously watch this scene if you haven’t already, it is one of the best moments of the entire show.
Steve Rogers choosing peggy
Sorry for the spoiler if you haven’t watched Avengers Endgame yet, but also it’s been long enough…I think. I know so many people are going to hate this opinion, but I HATE that he chose to stay back in time with Peggy. There was so much to stay in the present for, and he just didn’t. I don’t have much else to elaborate on; I just hate it.
Vampire Diaries love triangle
Now this one is a real conflict in my brain. I’ve been Team Damon since day one. Always have been, always will be. But there’s a little voice in my head that states something kind of obvious: Stefan was definitely the better man. Now I stand by the fact that Damon was Elena’s true love, but he was definitely toxic, and some of the things he did were definitely unforgivable if he wasn’t so beautiful. If I magically spawned in Mystic Falls, I’d definitely be telling Elena to steer clear of Damon.
Celebrities vs Paparazzi
This is a very simple one. The very fact that some celebrities call paparazzi on themselves and then act upset when they show up so they look more famous baffles me (and gives me a whole lot of second-hand embarrassment).
TikTok girl and her therapist
I genuinely can’t begin to elaborate on this one. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, please just go on TikTok and look it up. It’s some of the most entertaining story times on that app, and I thoroughly enjoyed that saga. I think about this almost every day.
Rupaul charles vs remembering names
If you haven’t heard of this “conspiracy theory” and you watch RuPaul’s Drag Race, I highly recommend doing a deep dive. No hate towards RuPaul, because personally, if I were him, I would also not care enough to learn anyone else’s name. I mean, he’s RuPaul Charles.
The videos of him stumbling over names of winners and first-home queens alike are proof enough, and I think about it all the time. Also, while speaking on RuPaul’s Drag Race — Valentina and the masked lip sync. That’s all I think I need to say (IYKYK).
So yes, these are my Roman Empires. Will I stop thinking about them? No. Will I continue to bring them up at inappropriate times like they’re breaking news? Absolutely. And honestly, if that’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.
Maybe our Roman Empires aren’t random at all. Maybe they are little moments that entertained us or distracted us from the real world chaos for just a moment. And in the absolute chaos that is our world today, I’m okay with letting myself have a little distraction to make me feel better.