Last weekend, I said goodbye to my nana. This was a hard goodbye since I couldn’t be there with her in her final moments. On Monday, March 16, she passed away in her sleep. She was surrounded by nothing but love for her.
I love my Nana dearly. She’s, as I’ve learned, going into adulthood, where I get a lot of my personality from. She was spunky and always spoke her mind, even with her worried agenda. Even after the point where she couldn’t speak clearly, she would express her emotions through various head nods or eye rolls.
There were a lot of eye rolls.
Grief is what’s next. There’s one thing about grief that they don’t tell you about: it’s annoying. I will be honest, I’m annoyed with my feelings. I’m annoyed that I cry all the time. I’m annoyed with how angry I am at God for taking her from me. I’m just annoyed.
I know it sounds selfish to be annoyed. But I’m not annoyed at my Nana for anything. I can’t be, she did nothing wrong. I guess I’m annoyed with nature?
Everything is throwing me into a tizzy. On top of my schoolwork, I am helping out a lot with the memorial aspects of her wake and funeral. I’m helping to make a playlist and put together a slideshow of photos. It’s a lot more behind-the-scenes work than I had imagined.
But here’s the thing: if Nana were here, she’d be holding my hand and telling me everything will sort itself out.
She was such a wonderful woman. As I mentioned earlier, she was spunky. Her favorite thing to do was gossip and bother my papa for a cheese sandwich. Every time I went to visit her, in true grandmother fashion, she would offer me snacks or drinks until I caved. I always forgot to go there hungry, so I didn’t feel so guilty declining her offer.
I will forever associate mini bottles of Coca-Cola with her.
We always sat in the kitchen. When I was a kid, I would wander outside to go watch baseball with my papa. As I got older, I would sit in the kitchen with my mom and my nana. We would talk about people that I don’t know, and per usual, Nana would offer me something to eat every five minutes.
Super quick note, she was a fashion icon. I was looking through old photos that were being sent to me, and she looked straight out of a magazine. There are a few photos where she’s wearing a leopard top and her hair is in a beehive — and she’s feeling herself!
I will forever miss my Nana. I have always been a grandparent’s girl, and this one is rough for me to handle. But I know that she’s in a much better place, and looking down on me, smiling.
She was a woman of God, and everyone knew it. It makes me feel better to know that she did believe in God, and she is now in such a happy place because of it. She’s also probably making the sun shine so bright today, even if it’s in my eyes. She knows how much the sunshine makes me smile.
I miss you, Nana. I will see you again, okay?