My family is in Jamaica right now. Without me. And so, I am sitting alone, writing this, feeling slightly sorry for myself. Both of my sisters are still in high school and middle school, so their spring break is at a different time than mine. They had planned this trip so it matched their schedules, and I couldn’t go.
At first, I have to admit, I was angry. I couldn’t believe that they would go on a beautiful, once in a lifetime vacation without me. I was jealous and I felt true, raw resentment. I did feel selfish. Deep down, I knew that my parents had given me everything I could have asked for and more, so a vacation without me wasn’t the end of the world. Nonetheless, it still stung. Part of me wonders how they could possibly have fun without me. I mean, I’m the life of the party. My feelings, at first, were most definitely hurt.Â
They are having a good time. They are sending pictures of the crystal-clear waters and their sun-kissed faces. I love that they are having fun. But I hate that they are having fun without me. Jealousy is an ugly thing, and I completely acknowledge that. Knowing that envy will drag me down, I’ve been doing some contemplating while they’ve been gone.
I’m missing out on this vacation, which is hurtful. But I’m also missing out on so many other things. My sister’s school dances, family dinners, movie nights, and milestones with my loved ones. Being away means missing out. I don’t think I will ever get over it, but I know that eventually, I will be at peace with it. I am jealous and hurt, but so is everyone else on campus who is missing out on family time. It’s normal, but it doesn’t make it any less painful.Â
The only thing that makes me feel less alone is knowing that my family misses me, too. Over the last week, while they have been away, they have made sure to text and call me every day to tell me that they wish I could be there with them. There is one text from my mom that has stuck with me. It reads, “I wish you were here. I feel very unsettled without you”. It reminded me that I am an important part of the family. I am missed. I am not forgotten. A natural human fear is feeling unimportant, and it’s easy to feel that way when the people you love are experiencing life without you. The number one thing that you need to remember as a college student is you are still a part of your family, even if you aren’t with them physically. I am jealous. But just the same, I am loved, and I am missed. That makes missing out seem less painful.Â