Loving Yourself Before Loving Someone Else

I think this is topic is an issue that occurs on a daily basis, and probably since the beginning of time. There are people that deal with this issue due to life experiences. I went through the problem of looking for the acceptance of others to make me feel a bit more in my life. I wanted to feel wanted and whole because I didn’t have my real/biological dad in my life. I did have my sister’s biological father in my life, but I felt like there was something missing in my life. In addition, I didn’t have two parents that were married and in love with each other. Yes, there I was getting the love one needs in their life, but I didn’t have a good example of love in my life. 

Since I had those two issues I looked and searched for love and acceptance from others to fill my empty space. This was problematic because I started to lose who I was. It made really sad and even depressed when I lost the attention, people, and “love” that I was getting. In addition, I wasn’t a good person when I was searching for attention and love. For example, I would hang out with mean and bad people who were considered the popular kids in my school. They would pick on me and say mean things to people and I would laugh so they would think I was cool and a part of them. I realized when I didn’t laugh with them, stood up to them, and told them to leave the people they were bullying alone, they would be even meaner to me, or make me feel like an outcast.

I started to be my own person when I started to think for myself and worry about myself first. I would help people and help them stand up against their bullies. I sat down with my parents and my sister and talked to them about what I was feeling and why I was feeling the way I was. They tried to help me to the best of their ability, but when they realized they couldn’t I started seeing a therapist. My therapist allowed me to explore my brain, subconscious and inner thoughts that I’ve been suppressing. It helped me a lot to see and talk to someone I didn’t know and that didn’t know me, so they analyze and figure out my immediate problem faster and more effectively. Then once they helped me find my immediate problem, they could help me fix it completely or minimize it drastically. Some problems were easier to fix completely than others. 

I became a better person and stopped hanging out with people who weren’t good for and to me. It also became easier to distinguish who these people were. I realized that even though I didn’t have my biological father with me and care about me. I still had a father that would do anything for me and cared about me more than life itself that I could go and talk to about anything. However, some things that I still struggle with that have minimized drastically is getting a little down or disappointed when I date a guy and they don’t turn out to be who they said they were. Though, I avoid those type of people easier than I used to.

Remember you don’t need the acceptance of others especially when they don’t care about your well being or growth. If you find yourself looking for acceptance from people, and you’re not as confident in yourself, you should:

  • Talk and seek help from your parents, older siblings or even a therapist
  • Keep a journal and write in it as much as you can, especially when you feel misunderstood, troubled and feel like you're going to fall back into bad habits.