Life’s full of uncertainties. And, more often than not, uncertainties lead to seemingly undying annoyance. While it’s healthy to voice our dismay, never pandering to the “bottle it up” coping mechanism, there’s a whole other polarized way of coping to actively avoid: excessive grumbling.
Nearly every teenager-friendly movie depicts millennials venting, complaining and generally bitching about their failed relationships, familial annoyances and friendship vendettas. In essence, complaining has become a well-accepted norm and we seldom second guess letting it all out—unless an involved, disagreeing party is within listening reach.
As accepted as the cathartic release of our verbal daggers has become, there’s an often bypassed reality to these types of dialogues (Actually, they’re not exactly “dialogues,” as we thoughtlessly spew our irritations to friends just praying to get a word in edgewise).
The reality: reactive over-discussion of an issue prolongs its existence.
We forget that exhausting an issue—often already beaten to death—keeps our regretful wounds wide open and our, sometimes irrational, upsets feeling all-the-more reasonable.
Typically, we take to our closest friends when looking for a listening ear and, while that might seem ideal, it’s usually our biggest mistake of all. In nearly every high-emotion situation, our friends serve as involved sources; they’re often either invested in the situation at hand or invested in our happiness. They dread letting us down and sometimes blanket the icy, cold truth in white lies’ comforting warmth—a not-so-productive approach to fighting an issue head on.
In fact, there’s a decent chance we cling to our friends for immediate support because of the nature of their responses; nobody wants to face the perspective-rattling reality that they might be in the wrong. Regardless of our conformity to comfort, recognizing when our trauma-induced verbalization has gone too far, will help us seek the help we need—moving on and getting back to the things that matter.
Friendship is rooted in honesty and, so, it’s okay to consult with a friend for immediate advice following an unexpected breakup, family sickness or any other oddball situation. With that being said, friendship isn’t rooted in joint, psychological burnouts. If we find ourselves constantly talking about an issue, never finding ourselves in a place of acceptance, that’s likely a sign that our friend’s might need to step down from their position as unofficial therapist. Even if our friends offer seemingly smashing advice, some issues require professional help—plain and simple.
Realizing when it might be time to talk to a counselor or therapist is important in the healing process—and, contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t mean we’re headed for the asylum. There are some issues better suited for an uninvolved, candid source.
Outside of maintaining our own mental health through consulting with an unbiased listener, seeking higher-level help aids in the continued health of our friendships. While our friends care about our happiness, the “Terms & Agreements” of a friendship don’t exactly include being subjected to constant complaining. No matter how solidified and intimate our relationships may be, the over-vocalization of our issues can start to place an unfair, burdensome weight on our loved ones’ shoulders—an unwanted stumbling block nobody deserves.
Through defining the frequently forgotten line between healthy venting and excessive quibbling, we’ll more easily preserve the mental health of both ourselves and our principal pals.
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