Relationships can be complicated. Not just romantic relationships but those with your friends, your siblings, your parents, and those you work with. So often we are stuck in the patterns of our relationships that we do not dig deeper to see how we can create more meaningful connections, even with the people we think we are the closest to. Many of us might not know how to do this or where to begin. And while it can be difficult, it is a growing pain that is well worth it.
In this season of my life, I have felt led to invest in others. By investing I mean actively reaching out to other people, giving them your time, and digging below the surface. I have stepped out of my comfort zone to talk to people that I was merely acquainted with and I have taken time to create a safe line of communication with people I know pretty well.
Recipe for investing in others:
Vulnerability: For others to be vulnerable oftentimes you have to be vulnerable first especially if they did not grow up in an environment that fostered healthy vulnerability. I struggle with this because I am not the biggest proponent for sharing my story with anyone and everyone. However, I have learned that parts of my story and the wisdom that I have accrued from experience can be a blessing to others.
This DOES NOT mean that you should interrupt someone while they are talking to say “oh my gosh I went through that too” and then proceed to talk about yourself. Everyone experiences and processes similar events in different fashions. Listen to them in the way that they need.
Listening: Active listening is a crucial part of relationships. To actively listen you should not listen only with the intent to respond. Instead, you have to listen with the intent to understand, empathize, and learn. Like any skill, listening is something to work on. Making sure you maintain eye contact and are not distracted by your phone or other things while getting to know someone is important. I’m sure you have felt how frustrating it is to talk to someone who is clearly not paying attention.
Time: We live in a fast past society where there is never enough time in the day to get everything done. Relationships take intentionally slow-paced time to grow. Being able to block out time in your schedule to meet up with a person or call someone who is far away is crucial. If you just say “we should hang out sometime” and do not set a date chances are it is not going to happen.
In addition, your time is valuable. Give it to the right people. You want to make sure that they are giving to you as well, not just taking.
Boundary setting: I currently struggle with wanting to invest in everyone at the same time because I empathize and want to be there for other people. Sometimes I have to take a step back and realize that I can’t be everything to everyone. It is okay to say no when people want to call or confide in you but you mentally are not in the place. The first step to investing in others is investing in yourself.