I saw a TikTok a while ago, probably during my senior year of high school, about the weird “in-between-ness” that college life brings. Of course, at this time, I had no clue what it could possibly mean. I was seventeen. My biggest worries were what terrible food was going to be for lunch that day, and when my next College English paper was due.
Well, that and the impending doom that came with college looming over my head.
When I tell you I was so afraid to come to St. Bonaventure University in the early fall of 2025 — I freaking mean it. I was leaving everything I knew behind; my home, my friends and family, my sweet dog Martie. I was sick over it. It kept me up at night; the anxiety of having to make new friends and having to live alone, relying on myself to wake up and get ready and go to class, it was a whole new level of stress that I had never even come into a forty-mile radius of.
But then I got here.
Welcome days were filled with meetings with professors, campus security, the dean of students. I met so many people in the span of three days it actually felt like a dream. My first days of classes consumed me, I was so anxious to meet new people, to have classes with people who were fully grown and experienced adults, it was insane.
I adjusted.
I was home.
I bonded with my sweet roommate, Hannah, made new friends and tons of incredible memories. Freshman year was like no other year I have ever experienced. It was arguably one of the best years of my entire life so far.
I was sad to leave Bonas. It had become everything I knew. I knew what prime time was to do my laundry, what Hickey dinner was worth my time and when I needed to DoorDash Arctic Bite to the Rob/Fal circle. I loved my routine. I loved my friends. How could I possibly leave?
Summer flew right by. Living at home was different than I had remembered, but waves of nostalgia surrounding summer nights around a bonfire in the backyard and long days spent on the boat soaking in sun kept me going. Seeing my school friends, being with my doggies, it all began to feel normal again.
I was home
Something was missing.
Fall came before I even knew it. I moved in earlier than most of my friends, helping with Empower’s “Bringing in the Bystander” presentation. I saw Kirra first, then my Caity. Hannah came soon after, followed by Lauren and Erin and Allie. It all came back. The routine, the nightly hangouts, the group dinners, late night library study sessions, inside jokes, new campus celebrities.
I went to new classes, met new people, made new friends, generated new opinions on a handful of new professors. It was all new but somehow felt so familiar. I filled my days bouncing between class and the library, I found new prime times to do my laundry, I joined new clubs and made even more new friends.
I was home.
I saw a TikTok a while ago, probably during my senior year of high school, about the weird “in-between-ness” that college life brings. At seventeen I didn’t understand. I understand it now. The ability for home to be two places is a concept I have yet to fully grasp, and I don’t know as I ever will. Adjusting to not-so-new places has been a big step for me, and I am sure many others can relate. Being one person with two people built inside has been exciting. To learn who I am without my mom or dad assisting me has shown me things I never would’ve learned about myself but knowing that I always have a place in my hometown brings a comfort like no other.
You don’t have to pick which place is home, you can just be between.