About a year ago today, I was submitting a deposit to a college. A deposit meant to confirm that I would be attending in the fall. However, that’s not exactly how things worked out. The institution I sent my deposit to was not the one I attend now, but instead, Ithaca College.
No one really warns you how hard the college process is as a first-gen college student, which is a warning I would have appreciated from the beginning as a first-gen myself. My parents knew close to nothing about the application process, could give me little advice about how to decide where I wanted to go, and didn’t really understand the financial aspects of university, leaving me to my own devices.
Sometimes my mom would claim she wanted to stay out of it because she wanted everything to be my decision and have me pick for myself, but I do think this was covering up the fact that she was just as clueless as me. I don’t blame her for her lack of expertise, of course.
For some, college is a rite of passage and the natural next step. For me, I knew if I didn’t work my ass off in high school and earn as many scholarships as I could, college wasn’t even an option. Because of this, every single day I’m here, I’m reminded of how hard both my parents and I worked for me to get this opportunity.
The thing is, though, I wasn’t supposed to be here.
Like I said, I had committed to Ithaca in April of 2025. Having not done nearly as much research as I should have, with no guiding hand, I went off instinct. Ithaca, New York, was a pretty area, a liberal arts college, with a lot of diversity, all things I knew I wanted. I didn’t know much else, though.
Long story short, in August of 2025, I decided Ithaca might not be for me. I was panicking about the debt it’d put me in, and had a gut feeling all of a sudden I wasn’t meant to go there. Is this an incredibly late time for me to decide this? Absolutely. I know I sound stupid for realizing it so late, but making such a life-changing decision without clear direction is overwhelming, especially when you’re navigating it largely on your own.
So, with less than a month before the semester started, I scrambled. I called schools, asked questions, and tried to find somewhere that would still accept me. Eventually, I narrowed it down to two options: SUNY Potsdam and St. Bonaventure University. They were completely different schools on opposite sides of New York, but both had things I liked.
After a meeting at Bonas with someone from admissions, I did feel confident in committing to SBU. Or, at least, as confident as possible when making a decision that quite literally affects the course of my entire life over a few days.
When I told my friends I was changing where I was going, or when someone asks why I wasn’t here for orientation, their response is often to have pity. They’re sorry that I couldn’t attend my first choice of Ithaca because the cards were not in my favor. While I understand where they’re coming from, for me, Bonas has quickly become more than a last-minute decision. It’s a place that truly feels like home.
When people in my hometown catch up with me and ask how I’m liking college, I tell them earnestly that I love it. If anything, though, that’s an understatement.
I love campus, I love my friends, and I love all the groups and teams I’m involved with on campus. St. Bonaventure University truly feels like my home, and I do believe that it was God’s will for me to come here. It obviously was a scary decision at first, but clearly the one the Lord had in mind for me.
So now, Ithaca College isn’t a question of “what if?” for me. It’s what I would never wish.