People tell me over and over again that my sister and I are like two peas in a pod and that we are exactly alike, from our smiles to the fact that we always get excited over the most minor things. Other times, it’s something even smaller. A shared presence or a glance that’s more than familiar, a personality that doesn’t surprise others, and has them saying things like, “You guys are definitely related.”
When people say we look alike, sometimes it’s the shape of our eyes, the curve of our noses, or the way that our faces are similar when we’re thinking of something or laughing uncontrollably. Other times, it’s something small like our mannerisms, the tone in our voice, or the food that we get in the Hickey dining hall. I used to deny it all. I didn’t see it with my own eyes when others did, but I take it as the best compliment I could get.
It’s not just that I look like her; it’s that I now see myself in her, and her in me. When I glance at her face, I don’t notice just some random features; I notice glimpses of our youth and memories behind every expression. I notice all the versions of us that are created, who we were, and the women we’re continuing to become.
We matured in the chaos and comfort. We fought over bathroom time and clothes that were never “found,” but we strolled hand in hand through hard times and kept secrets. We drove each other bananas, but we still found our way back to loving one another.
Now that we’re adults, living separate lives, in separate places, she’s still the one I have to reach out to when something amazing or awful happens. Even when we disagree, even when we don’t talk every day, she’s there, in my head, in the things I see, and in my mirror.
The fact is that our relationship is founded on both our similarities and our differences. The similarities sometimes make us reflect on one another too closely, but both help us to grow as individuals. Together, they create a bond that feels unbreakable, one that has held us since we were children and has endured to this day.
I don’t just love my sister; I carry her in my mind and in my looks. Her strength, her laughter, and her confidence show in me, even when I don’t realize it at first. No matter how many versions of myself I grow into, she’s in all of them. I’m not only just like my sister; I am my sister.
Always.