Pain is the common denominator that brings all humans together. We all know what it is to feel pain and suffering which allows us to sympathize with each other. Loss is a source of pain that most people will experience in their lives. When you lose someone that you love, your entire world stops. It can be hard to imagine going on with business as usual when you just want to fall apart. The good news is that you do not have to. It is your prerogative to take the time to grieve and process your emotions.
The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When my grandfather died, I thought I knew what to expect. My process ended up looking completely different and I struggled with how to get through it. I had to develop my own tactics that not only got me through the process but helped me change my perspective on life. Everyone grieves differently, but there are a few things that can help you no matter what your process looks like.
Forgive
First, you need to have time alone to figure out what you are feeling. This is when it is okay to fall apart a little bit: grab a box of tissues, climb into bed, and cry. Grapple with the idea that you have to say goodbye to someone that you care about. Whether they have passed away, or even if you have just lost a friend or broken up with your partner, there is a tremendous change taking place. It is okay to react and feel whatever it is that you are feeling.
Ditch Blame
Feelings of sadness and depression are expected, but if you are in disbelief or numb for a while, that is okay too. That does not mean you cared about that person any less and there is no schedule to follow for grieving. But the second thing you need to do is remove all blame from your thoughts. Whether you are blaming yourself or another person, thinking that way is not beneficial for anyone. Forgiveness is a big part of grieving and that includes forgiving yourself.
Remember
Next, you need to remember. Remember the times you had, look through old pictures, and gather your memories of them. You can tell yourself that you do not need to or that it is pointless; you may want to box up all reminders of them and store them safely away. But if you do not process them now, the feelings attached to these objects or memories are bound to come up later.
Be Grateful
Now, be grateful for the times that you had with this person. It is a privilege to have known someone who brought you so much joy that it hurts to no longer see them. Take whatever lessons you learned from them and hold onto them. Use them as motivation in your life.
Find Community
Finally, connect with your community. For me, it was my family. I had conversations with people I had not seen in years, and I learned so much from the short interactions I had with them. Your community can be your friends, family, school, job, faith, or anything that can help you feel grounded. When you lose someone, you realize how important every small moment is but also how insignificant the things that you once thought mattered are in comparison to a major loss.