Me! Yay!
And also, my dog, Sunny, we’re birthday twins!
21 has come to a close, and it’s time to decide what I want my 22nd year on this earth to look like. I’m hoping that this time next year I’m not near tears when I realize another year has gone by, and that I feel ready for what the year will bring me. I know it’s really not that big of a deal, but I can’t help but wonder if I did enough with the year that I just lived.
Being 21 was fun, and stressful, and another year of figuring out who I am. This year, I can figure out who I am all over again. Taking a moment to look back and see how much I’ve grown can be hard. I never really wanted to grow out of the little kid that played with Polly Pockets.
Last year, I did a lot. I went to a different country for the first time. It was just Canada, only a couple hours from where I live, but having never been there, it felt like a huge deal! I got to see two different shows that were absolutely fantastic, and I found a shop that sold European chocolate! Then, around Christmas, I got to go again with a friend, and it was just fun, and I’m so happy I can finally say I did it.
I helped out my neighbor by watching her mom on Sundays for most of the year. This one wasn’t terribly exciting and was filled with plenty of boring or stressful moments, but I think it was important. Being a part of someone’s community means doing things that aren’t particularly fun. And it felt like I was making it up to my own grandma. When she was in her last two years, I wasn’t around as much because I couldn’t face the prospect of her dying. Taking care of Lynn on Sundays felt like I was facing that fear, and a little like I got a second chance. It made me a lot more patient and compassionate, that’s for sure.
I failed my boards! This was my second time taking them and my second time failing, and I’m hoping that this next year will be my first time passing them. I feel a weird grief when I think about ultrasound. It’s a career I was really excited about for two and a half years, and it’s a part of my life. But I don’t think it’s a part of my life I’ll ever come back to. Still, I want to officially close that chapter and say I succeeded.
This one’s a little embarrassing, but I got to go somewhere with no family for a couple of days. I went to visit my friend at her college, and I rode the sketchiest airplane to get there. I swear, my seat was shaking and there was tape holding parts together. Maybe not the best first solo flying experience, but I feel a lot braver when it comes to planes.
I sewed a dress that doesn’t fit right. I love trying new crafts, and I have a bunch of sewing patterns. I wanted to make a vegetable dress like I saw on Instagram, so I tried making one! I embroidered different vegetables onto the bodice, sewed it all together, and it didn’t fit right, the skirt looked weird, and the fabric wasn’t good quality. Overall, not very wearable. I still tried, though, and I want to try again when I have a little more time on my hands. Knowing I’m not going to be perfect at something right off the bat is hard, but I need to get better at investing time in learning.
I finally figured out what’s been causing me severe stomach pain! This has been an issue for a couple of years now, and I finally got an answer after seeing a handful of doctors and undergoing a few tests. It was so slow moving, and insurance doesn’t want to cover my medication, but having answers when something’s wrong is relieving in its own way.
I ran a 5k! It was more of a walk/jog combo, who makes the route go up and down hills? It was very hot that day, I didn’t train with the hills in consideration, and it’s a miracle my middle school asthma didn’t make a comeback. I felt like I was dying, and I don’t think running will be my main exercise ever again, but it felt great to move my body again. I’d like to find a movement I enjoy and can do consistently. Unfortunately, I found out the pole dancing studio here closed, so that’s one option off the table.
I’m hoping this next year will bring me new experiences. I have so many things to look forward to, and some things to dread. As long as the good outweighs the bad, it’ll be a good year. Maybe it’ll live up to Taylor Swift’s “22.”
Not everything in a year is going to be good, and not everything will have a silver lining. Struggling without even trying to find a positive will only lead to misery though. I’m thankful for the experiences that this year brought, even if they were scary and stressful in the moment. I’m excited to see what will happen this year, good and bad.