So, I guess this is it?
I thought I would feel a rush of relief and excitement when this year came. I would see the light at the end of the tunnel and be ready to take on the real world. Who was I kidding?
Although I have the whole year ahead of me to process, prepare, and reflect I am currently grappling with a wave of emotions.
I was blessed to attend a high school where I could take many college classes without even leaving the building. Coming in, I did not realize I could graduate early. Luckily my college advisor said I could be done a semester early. After looking at it for myself I realized I could be done sooner. A quick tip: do your own research. If I did not dig around, I would not have known.
To be honest, college has not been an easy feat. I am sure many of you can relate. After the first semester of freshman year, I was convinced I was going to transfer. I felt suffocated by the small school environment, there was a lot going on in my personal life that I felt helpless about being hours away and honestly, I just felt really alone.
I decided to not go to school with my best friend or my boyfriend because I wanted to grow and blossom into my own individual and all that other silly stuff. At that moment in time, I was regretting that decision. All I wanted was a hug.
Sophomore year posed its own challenges with a heavily increased workload and the stress of becoming an RA. Do not get me wrong, there were really good parts about these years, but I was still counting down the days til vacations.
And now, I am here. And now that it is almost over, I am finally at a place of contentedness with being at Bonaventure. I look around and I am overwhelmed with blessings: my beautiful friends, all of the silly memories, the red and orange vines that grace the brick of Dev in the fall. I’m genuinely going to miss it here. And it’s the small stuff that makes all of the difference.
On top of dealing with these emotions, I am also fighting with a sense of imposter syndrome. Do I go to the senior events? Do I say I am a junior or senior? I am currently looking into graduate school and it can be hard when the people around me are not trying to submit applications by December or considering where in the country they are going to live after May.
Being the overthinker that I am, my thoughts tend to spiral. Do I get a full-time job and go to online school? Do I continue school in person? Which universities offer my preferred program? What if I do not want to go into the field I thought I wanted to? What if I can not afford this next step?
One thing I have learned to combat this anxiety is that it is really good to ask questions. I have spent the last couple of weeks calling universities, getting in touch with the head of programs, and asking their professional opinions. I have gained so much knowledge and opportunity would not have if I stayed idle. Quick tip #2: nobody is going to ask the questions for you AND people are literally getting paid to help you, so let them!
I have to remind myself that I came this far so it is all going to be okay. I also try to turn my nervousness about the future into excitement. I look back at how much I have grown and that gives me hope for who future Kim will become in the next season of her life.
Ultimately, I have to realign my focus back to the moment and make the rest of my undergraduate experience the best I possibly can. As I have been saying, “Last year best year”!!