Since being in college, I’ve discovered a lot about myself that I never knew. I came to college with a boyfriend whom I loved dearly, and it seemed like it was going to be fine. After two months of school, I ended the relationship.
I thought I knew what I wanted in a relationship since I’d spent the entire summer of 2024 strictly doing self-discovery and reflecting on life. When I met him, it was fun for about three months, but the other nine months were miserable. I think this is a hard pill to swallow. You know they’re a good person because you’ve seen it in the beginning, but then they completely change after a few months.
When you’re with the wrong person, you seem to lower your standards because that’s “just how they are”. Your friends notice the little things that you sweep under the rug, and you start to feel like you’re asking for too much. At first, they seemed excited to be with you, but now it just feels like a routine. There are no dates, there’s no excitement, and there’s no genuine love or affection.
For the longest time, I defended his behavior. I hid it from my family because I knew if they found out, they’d never allow him to see me anymore. After being in college, though, I started to feel more at peace. I didn’t really miss him. In fact, when he wouldn’t text me, I was way happier. When he would text me, it would just be the same three questions every day. “How was your day?” “What are you up to?” “What did you do today?” He wasn’t interested in me anymore, and I knew that ever since arriving in August.
Having to call off a relationship that you’ve poured so much time, effort, and money into is the worst thing ever. I always see the best in people, so having to sit down and write a pros and cons list about him was torture. Shocker, the cons outweighed the pros by dozens. After many breakdowns and sleepless nights, I finally gained the strength to call it quits and regain myself.
Although I was already a very independent person, it felt like during those miserable months that I really lost myself. I didn’t have the motivation to go anywhere or do anything because he never wanted to, and I kept saying no to plans with my friends because I knew he’d just text me the whole time and make it about himself.
Since having this freedom, I’ve been trying to do things for myself. If I want to go out and do something, then I take myself on a date. Being alone doesn’t scare me like it used to. I’ve also started talking to new people to see what else is out there. Although most people have been blocked (because of teenage boys), there’s been one who seems to be amazing. But I will continue to heal alone and focus on self-love to gain my confidence back.
Someday, I know I’ll find my person, but I can confidently say he was not that person. It can be gut-wrenching to come to that conclusion, but for your happiness, it is necessary. Don’t be afraid to take yourself out and live your life the way you want to.