Dear Girl,
I find it so bizarre that mainstream culture frames queerness as a burden rather than a blessing. As someone who is out, proud and, most importantly, comfortable in my sexuality, I find this idea to be diminishing and offensive because thank God for women.
It’s one of my more controversial beliefs, but held by many women no doubt, that any relationship I have with a man wouldn’t approach the value of my relationships with the women in my life.
Friendships, frenemies, girlfriends- let me be clear- girls do it better.
As a woman who is only interested in other women, I think that I am qualified to say that your relationships with women will be swimming in fulfilling, transformative moments, whereas your relationships with men, in any respect, will…well, not.
In conversation with a friend, I found myself repeating the same thing I have told many other women in my life: “Men, at their very best, will be there in your darkest moments. Women will save you from them.”
Women’s History Month or not – if you’re a woman, the point still stands. The relationships you have with women will be far more important to your life and your development as a normal, informed, and functioning member of society than your relationships with men.
I live my life in extremes. I tend to make my mind up about people very quickly and I am usually right. Much to the dismay of my friends and family, there are few times where I am neutral about something. Keep this in mind as I say that I can recognize strength, sensitivity, beauty and intelligence even in girls that I truly despise. While they may not be welcome to be strong, sensitive, beautiful and intelligent around me, it is not something that I can fail to see or admit to anyone, including myself.
I have found that, while this may not be true for all men and certainly not for all of my male acquaintances, men are incompetent in every sense of the word. I have found that they have little empathy and lack self-awareness. I have found most men my age to be unfunny, crude and, honestly, lackluster. As much as I’d love to continue on this rant, my hope is not that I de-influence you from men, but that I emphasize the indispensability of female relationships.
I have never met a normal girl who is exclusively friends with men. That girl is insufferable and, in plainspeak, the worst. It is definitely important to be friends with many different kinds of people, but to fail to have women in your life is a grave mistake.
Unfortunately, it is hard to see the value of your female friendships until something world-shattering happens and the only people you can or want to talk about it with are your girls. This was exactly my situation just a month ago. When everything I had known for almost a year fell from view just before my 21st birthday, I was in a really dark place.
Who listened when I cried on the phone to them? Who let me talk about it every day without getting sick of it? Who withheld the “I told you so’s” and instead opened their heart to me? Answer- my female friends.
When the world is bruised and hurting, it is women that heal it. When the world exists another day, it the the backs of women that hold it up. When the world is bright, it is because of women that foster and protect its beauty.
I urge you, dear reader, to look at the women in your life and extend a silent, or audible, thank you to them. They have saved you a million times over and will again and again for life.
Sincerely,
MQ (Girl)