For as long as I can remember, I’ve been part of a boy-girl friend group. It was never intentional—just how the pieces fell together. Through middle school, our group grew to ten people: four boys and six girls. By the end of high school, it had shrunk to five—three girls and two boys. These boys weren’t just “guy friends.” They were my best friends. I grew up being very open around them, and they knew me just as well as the girls.
Sure, there were things they didn’t do, especially in middle school. Sleepovers and girl talk weren’t their thing. But they were there for dress shopping before homecoming and prom. Sometimes, I honestly forgot they were boys. Not literally, of course—but they were so present in all the “girl” moments that it felt like we were just one unit. I never thought of them as “guy friends.” They were just my friends, equal to the girls I hung out with.
I never saw a problem with having close guy friends, especially ones I grew up with. They weren’t any different than the girls. And I wasn’t one of those girls who said, “I only hang out with boys because there’s less drama.” I’ve always had a blended friend group.
Coming to college, that same balance followed me. In just a few weeks, I’ve grown close to two girls and two separate sets of two guys. In total, I’d say I have six close friends, though we usually hang out in smaller groups—sometimes just me and the girls, sometimes with two of the guys, or with the other two.
One night early in the semester, I agreed to drive my friends to McDonald’s after a long night out. I was already irritated before we even hit the drive-thru, and the guys decided it was the perfect time to be as difficult as possible. No matter how many times I begged them to focus, they quite literally would not shut the hell up. The girls in the car noticed I was getting overstimulated and tried to help. The guys, however, couldn’t read the room at all.
I’m not saying guys are apathetic, but in that moment, there was a clear emotional disconnect. It reminded me that some of the people I hang out with might struggle to connect with me on an emotional level. I’m not trying to reinforce the stereotype that men are less emotionally mature than women—but in that moment, it was hard not to think that way.
A few weeks later, I was with my second friend group and felt that same disconnect. It was a simple text in a men’s team group chat that rubbed me the wrong way. Nothing was technically wrong with the message, but it was something I’d never say—and neither would the other two girls I was with.
The difference between “boy” and “girl” humor is something I could talk about forever. Personally, I think I’m the funniest person alive (bias, I know). But my humor tends to revolve around universal topics, social media references, and inside jokes. The guys’ jokes, in my experience, often target specific people…and they’re usually not that funny. Maybe I’m missing the point. Or maybe their jokes lack the empathy I value.
I truly love my friends for who they are. No matter what they say or do, they are still my people. Every now and then, I get these subtle reminders that my guy friends are, in fact, guys, and that comes with a different emotional factor than I’m used to in my girl friendships. When that happens, I have to pause and remember: I am surrounded by great people who simply see the world through a slightly different lens than I do.