“Ruin The Friendship,” track six off Taylor Swift’s latest album The Life of a Showgirl, has stirred up emotions I’ve long kept repressed. Regardless of how one feels about the album as a whole, I suspect many can relate to this particular song. The theme of the song revolves around Swift mourning her missed opportunity with a friend she had feelings for but never acted on. She hesitated, making excuses like the friend’s existing relationship and her own reluctance to “ruin the friendship.” The song closes with the lyrics: “My advice is to always ruin the friendship, better that than regret it for all time… my advice is to always answer the question, better that than to ask it all your life.”
As someone who has struggled with a chronic fear of rejection, these words resonate deeply. Swift’s perspective on taking risks and facing the consequences of unspoken feelings hits too close to home.
I’ve often found myself in a similar situation. When I develop feelings for a friend, I basically forbid myself from acting on those feelings. This is sometimes for the same reasons Swift sings about, but there are also other, larger factors at play. For example, most of my close guy friends have been part of a larger friend group, so they’re not just my friend. This dynamic brings with it the common fear of what would happen if things didn’t work out. It becomes a matter of ruining friendships instead of just a singular one.
Because of this, I don’t even allow myself to entertain the “what ifs.” I don’t allow the mess it could bring to even become a possibility, so I keep my feelings buried deep. To me, avoiding this scenario has always felt like the safest option. And in truth, I’ve come to realize that I like it safe. The unknown, the uncertain, and the risky scare me more than they do most rational people.
This fear has kept me from ever making a move on someone I’m attracted to, whether they are a close friend or a stranger I see from across the dining hall and find attractive. I’ve never taken the leap to pursue someone. The thought of rejection is paralyzing. Just imagining a scenario where I might be turned down causes me physical discomfort. My shoulders eat my ears from cringing so hard, and my palms start to sweat just at the thought. I don’t know where this fear originated or how to conquer it, but I’m uncomfortably aware of how it’s limiting me.
I find myself stuck in a strange paradox: I know I need to confront this fear, but I can’t seem to break free from it. Rejection therapy is often suggested as a way to overcome this kind of anxiety, but even considering taking this approach makes me feel physically ill. I’ve begun to think the only real solution lies in taking Taylor Swift’s words to heart—just as I find Taylor Swift to be the solution to a number of other things. Next time, I’m thinking about staying cautious; maybe the lyric “Staying friends is safe, doesn’t mean you should” will change my mind.