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The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter.

Growing up, eye contact was impossible. The intimacy of looking someone in the eyes always made me feel uncomfortable. I used to use the word “icky” to describe it. I never understood why. I even had trouble looking in my mom and dad’s eyes, even though I loved them more than anything in the world. Why? Was I just awkward? I felt so self-conscious that every time I was talking to someone, I never knew where to look. I learned to just look at their forehead. That still felt weird. 

This went on for years. Connecting with people became so difficult for me. How could I invite new people into my life if I couldn’t even look them in the eyes? Part of me felt like if I connected with someone by making eye contact, they would think I’m weird, and I didn’t want to scare anyone away. It became an issue of self-confidence. I didn’t like much about myself. If I made eye contact, I felt that people would be able to see all of the things that I hated about myself just by looking in my eyes.

At age 16, my life turned around. Things were going well for me, and I started to dislike myself a little less. Gradually, I gained confidence that I had never had before. To this day, I am still not sure where it came from, but I’m grateful it happened. One day, I was talking to one of my teachers at my high school and I realized that I was making eye contact. It was totally subconscious. I wasn’t forcing myself to or focusing on not being so avoidant. I was finally having a genuine conversation with genuine eye contact. I felt a wave of relief wash over me. I didn’t feel insecure or nervous. This was a totally new feeling for me. Now that I’ve grown a little more, I understand that not being able to make eye contact came from a place of debilitating insecurity. If I wasn’t comfortable with myself, how could I ever be expected to be comfortable with someone else enough to make eye contact? I learned to love myself, and in doing that, I learned to love connecting with other people. I am still learning and I’m still growing, but being able to look someone in the eye was one of the first steps to gaining self-love and self-confidence. 

Courtney Cianflone is a new member of the Her Campus at St.Bonaventure University. She is ready and excited to write articles about women in pop-culture, positions of leadership, and in male dominated fields of work. Women's empowerment has always been something that she held close to her heart. Courtney has always been an advocate for women, especially those who do not always have the confidence to speak up on their own. Courtney is a new freshman studying marketing at St.Bonaventure University and has wanted to join Her Campus the moment she learned about it. Outside of Her Campus, she has been accepted into the Chamber Singers, a select choir on campus. In addition, she is planning on joining a group on campus that visits the local SPCA to volunteer to help with the upkeep of the facility and taking care of the animals there. Outside of campus, Courtney enjoys playing guitar and singing. Music has always been a big part of her life. She also loves spending quality time with friends and family. She really enjoys writing and reading, so Her Campus is the perfect fit for her! Not only is she excited to start college, but she is excited to get involved with the sisterhood that is brought together in Her Campus.