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SBU | Life > Experiences

Eye Contact

Courtney Cianflone Student Contributor, St. Bonaventure University
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

Growing up, eye contact was impossible. The intimacy of looking someone in the eyes always made me feel uncomfortable. I used to use the word “icky” to describe it. I never understood why. I even had trouble looking in my mom and dad’s eyes, even though I loved them more than anything in the world. Why? Was I just awkward? I felt so self-conscious that every time I was talking to someone, I never knew where to look. I learned to just look at their forehead. That still felt weird. 

This went on for years. Connecting with people became so difficult for me. How could I invite new people into my life if I couldn’t even look them in the eyes? Part of me felt like if I connected with someone by making eye contact, they would think I’m weird, and I didn’t want to scare anyone away. It became an issue of self-confidence. I didn’t like much about myself. If I made eye contact, I felt that people would be able to see all of the things that I hated about myself just by looking in my eyes.

At age 16, my life turned around. Things were going well for me, and I started to dislike myself a little less. Gradually, I gained confidence that I had never had before. To this day, I am still not sure where it came from, but I’m grateful it happened. One day, I was talking to one of my teachers at my high school and I realized that I was making eye contact. It was totally subconscious. I wasn’t forcing myself to or focusing on not being so avoidant. I was finally having a genuine conversation with genuine eye contact. I felt a wave of relief wash over me. I didn’t feel insecure or nervous. This was a totally new feeling for me. Now that I’ve grown a little more, I understand that not being able to make eye contact came from a place of debilitating insecurity. If I wasn’t comfortable with myself, how could I ever be expected to be comfortable with someone else enough to make eye contact? I learned to love myself, and in doing that, I learned to love connecting with other people. I am still learning and I’m still growing, but being able to look someone in the eye was one of the first steps to gaining self-love and self-confidence. 

Courtney Cianflone

SBU '28

Courtney Cianflone is a sophomore and returning member of the Her Campus at St.Bonaventure University. She loves to write about her learning experiences and personal a anecdotes to relate to and connect with other girls! Women's empowerment has always been something that she held close to her heart. Courtney has always been an advocate for women, especially those who do not always have the confidence to speak up on their own.

Courtney is studying marketing at St.Bonaventure University and Her Campus is her favorite part of college. Outside of Her Campus, she has been accepted into the Chamber Singers, a select choir on campus.

Outside of campus, Courtney enjoys playing guitar and singing. Music has always been a big part of her life. She also loves spending quality time with friends and family. Her Campus has helped her to have a place to write while being part of a wonderful sisterhood.