Being a cutthroat perfectionist, I used to feel disgustingly jealous whenever my peers surpassed me academically. I never showed it, because as envious as I was, I was also happy for them.
I was happy for them, but sad for myself because I felt that their success somehow diminished my own. It was like my hard work meant nothing. I was simply less talented, less intelligent, and less determined than they were.
It is human nature to want to beat our competitors to ensure our survival. In the Everglades ecosystem, the American alligator and Burmese python are apex predators who compete for the same prey. If one does significantly better than the other, it puts the latter in danger of starvation and eventually extinction.
I know gaining academic accolades is not as serious as catching food for survival, but sometimes our brains cannot tell the difference between a perceived threat and a real one; high school me definitely couldn’t.
Luckily, I have been in therapy for two years and have matured for the most part. I try not to compare myself to others and, instead, focus on doing my best.
But sometimes, those old feelings slither into the back of my mind. How did he get that internship? Why don’t I try harder? Do they have more time than I do? They must just have an easier go of things than I do. No, they are just smarter or more outgoing. Maybe I should behave differently.
Recurring thoughts that have come up so many times have a way of lingering. But they do not have the power they used to because I allow myself to hear them, recognize they are not helpful, and move on from them.
It is also necessary to recognize that everyone has different abilities and goals. An alligator and a python may go after some of the same things, but they catch their prey in different ways.
Instead of getting overwhelmed by negative feelings, I ask myself how every situation that hurts me could help me.
The way to turn jealousy into excellence is to use other people’s achievements as inspiration. Pay attention to how someone you admire found success and ask yourself how you can modify that strategy to suit your own goals.
Successful people can admit that they are not great at everything, and instead of getting angry, identify who is great and seek their advice and guidance.
While beating the competition is important for survival, evolving and adapting to your environment is sometimes the best way to win.