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The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter.

Don’t have wack sex

Sex should be enjoyable. It should be as nasty, as dirty and as loud as you want it to be. Or not nasty, dirty or loud at all. Whatever you prefer. But a lot of the time when I talk to other women, they aren’t having a good time during sex. Sometimes, it’s because they’re putting their partners needs over their own. Other times they’re too in their own head and not able to relax.

Sex isn’t taboo. It’s one of the oldest activities in the world. Over the centuries it has evolved and flowed into whatever society needed it to be. The ancient Greeks and Romans are well-known for their promiscuous behavior. There are lots of paintings where sex is shown between the same gender or different genders. Poems, songs and stories have been about sex since before pen went on paper.

Teenage girls worry about having their first kiss and their first time when they’re in high school. In college some girls decide to have multiple partners or none at all. After college…I don’t know, I haven’t gotten to that part yet. Either way it goes, sex should be about your pleasure and your partner’s.

The key to having a good time during sex is to know your body and know what you like. Sometimes society can push the narrative that masturbation is wrong and shouldn’t be done. That type of thinking is what’s actually wrong. Masturbation allows you to explore your body on your own time. You can touch yourself on any body part that brings you pleasure. You can fantasize in your head or even out loud. That alone time will be very beneficial. Once you know how you like to be touched and what gets you off you can have sex confidentily.

Don’t be afraid to tell your partner ahead of time what you like and what you don’t like. Communication and talking before sex may not seem like the most attractive thing to be doing but it will help. Why would you have sex with someone and not tell them what you like? If you go in blind your partner may do something you don’t like. They may touch you in a way you don’t like. Discuss things like that. You don’t have to bare your soul but if there’s any triggers you have, voice them.

Foreplay is so very important. Don’t forget the foreplay. The teasing, the buildup, the slow kisses and deep breathing can be enough to make you melt. Having foreplay before getting to penetration will loosen you up and ease some of your anxiety. Foreplay is like the appetizer before the meal. It can also be the meal before the dessert. In movies and shows they may show some rapid hot and heavy kissing then skip to a scene where they’re already doing the tango in bed. Realistically it doesn’t happen that way. Have foreplay. Trust me. It doesn’t have to super long or super short. It can be until you feel like you’re ready to take it all the way.

Please do remember to get tested and use condoms of course. Or any other type of protection that you may need.

If you’re a person that gets really anxious or too in your head before or during sex communicate that. Don’t try to have sex when you’re really tense or worried because then you won’t enjoy it. Voice your concerns to your partner or even your friends beforehand. Once you can talk your fears out you’ll realize they’re just that. Fears that have no power over you.

Enjoy your sex life. You are in control of it.

Hello! I'm a senior Journalism student with a minor in Criminology. I have a love for books, anime and cats. You can often find me curled up on the couch with a romance novel while sipping some coffee.