There are certain things in life I like to pretend don’t bother me, when in reality, they do. My grades. Other people’s perception of me. I’ve always had issues with letting things define who I am, whether it’s a letter on a transcript or someone else’s opinion.
But lately, something else has been getting me down: the fact that I’m single.
To be honest, I’m not usually this vulnerable, and being so open isn’t easy for me. But in an effort to practice honesty, I want to talk about it.
I’ve been single for pretty much my entire life, unless we’re counting middle school “relationships,” which, obviously, don’t really count unless they go somewhere past the tween years. It’s never truly bothered me before… until now.
Sure, there were some late nights in high school when I’d daydream about “the perfect man,” but I always had things I considered more important. Between advanced classes, clubs, sports, and extracurriculars, any potential loneliness was quickly filled by studying, rehearsals, or meetings.
Now that I’m in college, I’m still constantly busy, basically from 9 a.m. to 1 a.m. every weekday, but for some reason, time isn’t filling the void anymore.
Coming from a high school class of only 34 people, dating options were… limited, to say the least. So maybe I set myself up for disappointment by believing that the moment I got to college, something straight out of a rom com would happen. It hasn’t.
No one I’m interested in has expressed mutual interest, and it’s been kind of a blow to my ego (just found out I’m chopped and also unc…so that’s fun).
It’s hard not to crave a relationship when everything else in my life seems to be changing except my dating status.
In my last article, I wrote about how I wasn’t concerned that my crush didn’t like me back. That may have been true then, but a lot has changed in the past week. Now, all I can think about is him, and it’s high-key taking over my life.
At this point, I’d almost take anyone. People always say, “Be patient. It’ll happen when you least expect it.” But I’ve been waiting for years, and patience has never been my strong suit. I might be the most impatient person I know. It’s starting to feel like I’ll be single forever…so maybe that means something will finally happen now (unless I just jinxed it).
Sorry to treat you all like my diary, but I had to get this off my chest. I’ll keep you updated if anything changes.
Maybe one day, future Kirra will look back at this article and smile, excited for past Kirra, who’s about to meet her person, completely unaware that her soulmate was just around the corner.
Maybe love really does show up when you stop looking… but I’ll keep my makeup done just in case.