Dear little Lina,
Right now, it’s chaotic, isn’t it? It’s too loud and everyone feels really mean. You’re struggling to catch up with the world, and you feel behind.
Your hair is too big and frizzy. Too puffy and you don’t know what to do with it. Putting it in ponytails and buns makes you feel like a little boy.
Your teeth are crooked with an overbite, and it’s your greatest shame. You hide your smile. You hide your laughs behind your hands or in your sleeve.
You hate your body because you can see your ribs. The kids laugh at how bony you are. Somebody is also asking if you eat enough. The clothes hang off your frame in an awkward way.
Since you’re shy and alone you dive into the world of books every day. They bring you comfort and adventure. You are everywhere and anywhere at once. You’re a warrior, a princess, a fairy and a pirate traveling across stormy seas.
And you wonder if one day it gets better. What’s the magic age when everything starts to make sense?
I’m here to tell you that I haven’t reached it yet, but there have been some changes along the way. And you absolutely love them.
Your hair isn’t “too much” anymore. It’s exactly as it should be. You learned how to wash, comb and style. You’ve gotten braids, twists and even crochet locs. You’ve dyed it twice, and now instead of being super short the length is almost to your chest. Now you put your hair in ponytails, buns and pigtails.
Braces came along when you turned 13. From then on you were finally able to smile and laugh without feeling embarrassed. Your teeth aren’t perfectly straight, but they’re good enough because you learned that beauty isn’t physical. You smile unafraid in pictures and videos and sleep with a retainer. Sometimes.
Your body changed too. It’s soft. It has stretch marks and acne. Hair that you used to poke at but have now accepted. It’s still slim but not in a way that you hate. You love your body now. You don’t turn away when you see yourself in the mirror anymore. You’ve learned to embrace every inch of your beautiful skin.
The word alone has taken on a new meaning for you. Being alone allows you to reflect and do your best writing. It’s peaceful. You’ve battled your anxiety while shopping alone and eating alone in public. You’ve made friends and lost some along the way too. You cherish the friendships you have now and you’re open to making new friends.
You finished high school and even though it was a nightmare your best friend is the best thing that came out of it. In college you’ve fallen in and out of love. Learned to drive a car. Took trips outside of Buffalo. Started therapy. Working many jobs. Meeting people from all over the world.
You love books with your whole soul. Deep in your heart you still hope to write fantasy novels in a cute little cottage somewhere in the world. Writing and books have opened the doors to starting a blog and wanting to write for a living.
Getting older brought good and bad. But every year is taking you one step closer to what you want. Freedom.
The freedom to be yourself. To go where you want, whenever you want.
You are happy. You are loved. You are healing.
At 20-years-old, you are way past where you thought you would be. And I’m so proud of you for staying strong through it all.
Love,
Lina from the future