What is one supposed to do when life starts to feel a little too much like “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac? Â
I’ve never known the answer to this question. I absolutely resist change when it comes to my own personal life. I anticipate missing a moment before it has even ended. My sisters make fun of me because I hold onto our childhood traditions way longer than I should (I will be searching for my Easter basket at 21-years-old). But I know that once I give it up, those traditions will be gone, forever, left only in my memory. My mind is a mosaic of every event that has ever happened to me; I could make myself sick with nostalgia at any given moment.Â
So, as you might imagine, I’m feeling great about graduating college exactly one month from when this article is released (I totally am not going to take a minute to decompress after writing that sentence)! Bonaventure is like a safety blanket to me. It’s familiar, comfortable, always there to fall back on. Now it feels like this safety blanket is being ripped out from under me and the world is telling me, “Good luck!” Good luck losing your independence and moving back in with your parents, good luck leaving your best friends, good luck entering a long-distance relationship, good luck starting a full-time job, if you can even get one, good luck having to watch everybody that’s still at Bonaventure next year without you, good luck trying to find more friends in Buffalo, good luck, good luck, good luck…Â
Literally as I was writing my next sentence, my friend Kristen just walked in my office and invited me over for a game night and margs tonight. As I happily accepted and turned back to this article, I thought about the fact that there are only so many more opportunities I will have to walk to her house two doors down from me with a bottle of tequila in hand. God, there goes the anticipatory nostalgia again.Â
So, I know that there will be a lot of adjustments to be made as I figure out who I am outside of Bonaventure. But isn’t figuring out who you are one of the biggest aspects of your 20s? I know that change is inevitable, even if I try to fight it as much as possible. And I know that it will be hard to navigate life post-grad. But I also know that I’m exactly where I am supposed to be at 21-years-old: confused with no set plans for the future! I’ve always been a five-year plan kind of girl, but right now, I must give myself grace and take life one day at a time.Â
While I am dreading May 18 with everything inside me, there are some aspects that I am looking forward to after graduation. Those include:Â
1.) Feeling proud of myself for earning two degrees in four years.Â
2.) Redoing/updating my childhood bedroom! I haven’t redesigned it since high school because it felt “temporary” once I was going back and forth to school. Which brings me to my next point…Â
3.) No longer having to deal with living in two places at once. The back and forth for breaks and moving in and out a few times a year was exhausting.Â
4.) Saving money! Between living at home and working full-time, I can’t wait to feel financially free compared to the penny pinching I do during the school year.Â
5.) Getting a new car! My lease is up in July, so I get to upgrade to something newer. And even if my car payment goes up, I’ll have more money to pay it. Â
6.) Not having to make every meal myself (thanks in advance mom). Â Â
7.) Living closer to my family and not having to miss as many events! I am especially grateful to be seeing my sisters more often. Â
8.) Having access to more restaurants, coffee shops, stores, etc. (sorry Allegany and Olean, I love you even if your mall only has Kohl’s).Â
9.) Having a regular work schedule. I have had an irregular schedule since I started working at 16. Working at a grocery store, I’ve worked anywhere from 7AM-9PM every day of the week, especially since being in college and trying to rack up hours when I’m home. I’ve missed so much because of work (I’ve literally worked on Thanksgiving three years in a row). I cannot wait to finally be on a schedule that aligns with everyone else’s. Â
10.) Going along with having a regular schedule, being able to use my free time for hobbies or other activities that aren’t homework or mandatory club meetings.Â
Yes, I am terrified of the future. Nobody can come on this journey with me, I have to go on my own. It is lonely and uncertain. Change will never be easy for me, but I can learn to manage it. I can hang on to my 10 small things that I’m looking forward to and be okay not knowing what the future brings. Whatever happens, I know that Bonaventure will still be like a security blanket to me, and I can always come home to 14778 whenever I need. Â
“Can I handle the seasons of my life? Well I’ve been afraid of changin’ ’cause I’ve built my life around you.”
Fleetwood Mac, “Landslide”