As I am writing this right now, I am one week away or so from midterms. I am falling apart in a way. Coming back off winter break I expected to have the spark back that I get at the beginning of the school year in August. However, that was not the case. For the first week back, I was overwhelmed but still okay. As we have gone through the first month or so it has progressively gotten so much worse. This morning, I went to class and forgot my caffeine, and that was one of the last straws.
In cases like this when school is making me burnt out it is hard for me to be grateful to be in this place in my life. When I am exhausted and can barely function, it is hard to be happy simultaneously. However, this year a resolution for me was to be more grateful. For me, how it typically goes is being grateful gets crowded by either everything I have to do or what I do not have. And although I should not feel that way, I honestly do some of the time, and that feeling has been amplified lately.
When I forgot my caffeine for class it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Such a small thing that made me realize how burnt out I was. However, when this happened, I realized I needed to take a step back. So, after class, I got my caffeine, sat down, and thought. I thought about how grateful I am to have the issues I do. That sounds stupid but in reality, these are the biggest issues I have going on for me right now. That means that life is very good and for that I am grateful. I am grateful that I am in the position that I am, getting a degree to become a teacher, and living my life with my best friends. You only get a short amount of time in college, so I am learning to be grateful for what I have going on for me right now.
However, after this moment I am still feeling burned out, especially with everything I have to do in the next week or so with midterms. But I have less clouded judgment and can be grateful for everything I have going on for me right now. I hope that thinking this way forward will allow me to have a better mindset after spring break. Even if it does not, I will still be able to feel more grateful for what I have going on for me in the moment.